It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated this blog. By quite a while, I mean, it’s been more than 6 months since I last updated this blog and on Valentine’s Day, it’ll be exactly a year since I updated my other blog.
You know what’s really sad about this? I haven’t been THAT busy.
I mean I have been busy, but not 6 months without blogging type busy. And it’s not that shit hasn’t been going on in my life either. Trust me, almost every day I feel like someone’s been looking at my ass and their reaction is
Cus I’ve seriously been buttfucked a lotta times.
So yeah, I’ve got a lot of stories to share, but I just haven’t been able to sit down and actually type.
Anyways, for today (and for upcoming blog posts) I’d like to tell you about my misfortunes from the most recent, all the way to probably August.
The Time I Got My Heart Broken
So with Valentine’s Day coming soon and love being in the air, I recently just had my heart split in two. And in the most stupid way possible.
Now idk what y’all consider heartbreaking, but when my glasses broke, so did my heart. I’m about to write some mushy shit in the next paragraph to try to explain my pain, so you can skip all the next paragraph if you ain’t here for this.
You ever had something for so long, and because it’s always been there, you take it for granted? That’s me and my glasses.
Or have you never really appreciated something for being so integral in your life, yet you never realize it until that thing leaves your life? That’s me and my glasses.
You ever lose something and go through 4 out of the 5 stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) because there’s no way you could ever come to terms with actually accepting that you’ve lost something, so you remain depressed and keep on denying the undeniable truth? That’s me and my glasses.
You’re probably thinking
But it actually is.
Besides, have you ever had seen something split into a near perfect half because your phone fell on it? That’s my glasses and my heart after my glasses broke.
Have you ever been watching porn on your phone on the toilet seat, tryna get out that early morning wank, with the shower running loud so you’re free to have your porn flick on a volume high enough for your ears to hear and your dick to rise to, only to have your phone slip from your hand and split your glasses (that you’d removed earlier on because you didn’t want your sticky hands to touch your glasses when you’re done with the early wank)? That’s me and my dumbass.
I don’t care whether you’d consider judging me or not, but when you get no action and feel sexually frustrated with no one to help you beat your meat, you beat it by yourself. But when the house walls are too thin, and you can’t really enjoy your porn without it being loud enough for your ears and other unsuspecting ears in the house, you go to the bathroom and turn on the shower so no one suspects much. I didn’t expect my phone to slip from my hand like that. Granted my gripping arm was holding something else, I didn’t think things would go so far left just because I wanted to let off some steam.
Anyways, when that happened, the rest of my week was ruined. I tried taping my glasses together, but it didn’t hold. Then I tried running to Walmart in Oakland (because there’s no Walmart in San Francisco) to see them to help me fix my glasses since I have a 2 year warranty with them, meaning I’d get FREE new glasses if I went there. But, as I’ve been getting royally buttfucked, I discovered that the Walmart in Oakland, among many thousands of Walmarts countrywide, was part of the ones that closed down for not being as profitable as other Walmarts.
I couldn’t not go to class, as it was too early to be skipping classes anyways, so I had to go with my broken glasses to class, and I started looking like I was in Dragonball Z as I basically had to hold cover one eye (to prevent straining it since my glass lens wasn’t over that specific eye) and hold my glasses over the other eye which I’d decided to use.
If you can’t picture it, picture this
As you see that, now imagine someone holding the glass part while using the same hand to cover the eye that the glass isn’t in front of. That’s exactly how I was.
Anyways, sad story short, I managed to find some SUPER super glue and managed to glue my shit together and I’ve been super happy ever since. That’s why it’s the header for this story!
I learned many lessons from this story, but the most important one I learned, was to masturbate in my room while bumping loud music from my laptop, THEN, watch whatever I wanna watch on my phone, with my glasses on a table. Because if I didn’t go to the bathroom and had I thought of this idea before, I wouldn’t have broken my glasses.
That’s my story for today! I’ll be back soonish to tell you more weird things that have befallen me. Follow @TheOiz & @AboutUseful and have an awesome day!