So today’s blog post, being post number 100 and also a post after 100,000 views was supposed to be quite special, and I actually had it all planned. I played a late (but quite nasty) April fool’s joke on my parents. You know those kinda “jokes” you tell that aren’t jokes, but you contextualize them as jokes so people don’t take it too bad? Like
“What if I suggest we have a threesome with your hot friend *insert name here* ?”
“What if I was having something with *insert name of close friend here* even though I’m chasing you?”
Or, to be more specific to my “joke”
“Even though I’m supposed to be graduating in exactly one year, I’m fed up with school and fighting to hold on to this GPA. I’d rather you invested in something else in my life.”
Now, as we all know, education is just as important as religion is to Nigerian parents, so this didn’t go well at all. Things got a bit too personal and um, painful. Unlike some of y’all who could Facebook/WhatsApp your folks and screenshot the conversation, this happened over the phone. It was quite not nice.
So, moving on, I gotta tell y’all thanks for the great number of views! I mean, I finally hit 100k views. And I’m doing so in 100 posts. The math doesn’t add up, but it’s okay. I appreciate all these views
So, since my special post which was meant to be about my April fool’s joke on my parents got messed up, I’ll tell y’all about the thing that happened during a party I went for. The only reason I’m bringing this up is as a reference to my last tweet.
I’m trying to be as celibate as possible so I’m trying to expunge anything sexual from my body.
Anyways, I went to a party and midway through the drinks, alcohol and all that jazz, we got into the topic of that had the simple question
“What’s the funniest thing that has happened to you during sex?”
So there were a plethora of answers. I’m just gonna tell you some of the ones I thought that were really funny. It might’ve been slightly funnier because most of them were drunk, but still, here were some of the answers I heard (and I’ll give my input too) at the end. All these are actually verbatim, including the actions they did afterwards.
“So I was doing it with bae and he was hitting it from the back. Now, he must’ve thought that he was putting in some work or something, cus as he was going on, the next words he said while he mid “stroke” was
“This is how I do my dougie! This is how I do my dougie!” When he was doing this in reality
I had to turn back and look at him like
What was so funny and ironic about everything was how he wasn’t even putting in work. Like if he did this
Or something like this
I’d have felt him, but he was basically telling me that this is how he does his dougie when he barely moved like he could do a two-step.”
“Well, this wasn’t really funny, but shit just got slightly real really fast.
So I had just gotten out of a break up and all that nonsense, and so I was up and hooking up with niggas left and right to null the pain and shit.
Don’t judge! Anyways, we were having sex, and I kinda called him my ex who was called Dominic. Sadly, I’d told the guy about Dom before, so as he was hitting it, I was like
He pulled out and stopped. I kinda wanted to call him back but he was like
And tbh, I wouldn’t call him back either cus I was too proud. But I did kinda cry when he left though, cus it was all about the Dom dude.”
“Mine was quite simple tbh. It might not be as funny as you guys’, but I was having sex with this chick, and she was like
And I said
At that moment, it was so funny, we laughed so hard we stopped having sex.”
Sorry guys, this might’ve been your reaction throughout
But it was kinda funny then.
Anyways, follow @TheOiz and @AboutUseful and have a great time!