I Know I’m Stupid, But I’m Not THAT Stupid

Hopefully the header of this post gives you an apt description of my reaction to the shit that I was reading (which you’ll learn about at the end of the blog post. Like fam, I might be stupid, but c’mon son.
Now some of you might have heard a bit about this story on my Twitter a while back, but for those of you who missed it, I’ll be explaining the utter fuckery I had to go through one faithful night.
So if y’all remember when I was talking about my first semester at sfsu and somewhere in the whole story, I told you guys about how we won the league for that semester (you can go back to read the story if you want context) and all that good stuff. Anyways, as a means of celebrating, the goalkeeper decided to host a party at his house for us to turn up! Trust your boy to look fly af for the party. I was gonna be grabbing on booty that night! And by now, you should all know how I feel about booty.
yeahhhhFast forward to party time and I got there late.
Well technically, that’s not true. The party started by 9 and I told them I’d be there by 10, but I arrived by 11 which is still early by Nigerian time, so it’s all good. Besides
So I got to the party, met a shitload of people. Apparently the soccer team I played for (IEEC) was more of an organization, and there were a lot of members. I only knew the ones on the soccer team. The whole organization had a lot of members. And by a lot, I mean, at some point, the house got so full, that people were encouraged to step (and at some point remain) outside (for a while) to smoke (or do whatever they wanted). We were that much.
Anyways, as time flew by, I realized that I might either have to leave the party early to catch the bus, or find somewhere to crash for the night. Deep down, I knew I’d pay no attention to the time and I forgot my wallet at home so the only option I had would most likely be to find somewhere I could spend the night. Since I wasn’t really cool with the goalie like that, I had to look for another place to crash. So I started texting a “friend” of mine that I might need to crash at her place (since she lived close).
Before I start showing y’all pictures, lemme explain myself. Prior to the next texts you’re about to see, I’d been hinting heavily that I’d most likely be going to her place that night. I just didn’t say it outright. Dunno why I didn’t do so.
So here’s how our texts went. This was a few minutes after 2 in the morning when the party was dying down and people were going home
Now I dunno what she was thinking. I only wanted a place to crash and I was gonna be running as fast as I could to reach her place if it meant having a place to stay the night. Maybe she thought I was on my
swiggity swooty“Swiggity Swooty, Coming For That Booty” phase.
I sha explained to her that I would be there before she’d pass out. The “If not, I’ll just find a way to get home” was just me being polite. Like inviting someone to share your food with you. You don’t REALLY want them to come eat with you. You’re just being polite. But I was up against a brick wall of an answer
At this point in time, I knew there was no point in pleading. I would have to find a way to get home one way or another. So I stepped out of the party to get some fresh air. As I walked away from the house, lost in thought, I heard some moans not too far away. The amebo (Nigerian slang. Look it up) in me followed the sounds of the moans only to spot two figures in a dark corner of a street doing it. As I looked (and listened closely, I discovered that the person moaning was one chic I was grinding and tryna get with at the party.
cheaterBasically a sum of it all.

I walked back to the party venue and just sat down and did my best to remove the image I’d just seen from my mind, to focus on the alternative ways of getting home. And the sad thing is, there was only one way…

I’d have to walk home.


wp_ss_20141005_0004That’s basically the distance from the party venue to my place.
I reread the texts with the girl again and didn’t want to get upset. I just decided to keep quiet and walk home.
Thankfully, I brought my headphones with me, so it wasn’t too bad a 2 hour walk. Oddly enough, even after partying for hours, I was still hyper and in party mode. This was basically me (except on foot)
The streets were relatively empty, and I was highly tempted to jog home at some point, but I remembered that I am a black man, and anything black people in America do in broad daylight is “suspicious”, so I would probably worsen my situation by doing so at night, so I just respected myself.
I got home some time after 4 o’clock in the morning. I went to use the bathroom, dropped my headphones, and decided to crash on the couch. As I was falling asleep, my phone vibrated and *Drake voice* guess who it is, guess who it is!
Yup! Monica alright. However y’all, I need you to peep the last text she sent me
She was hoping I was still going to be around…
…by 4:27AM…
….hours after I told her I needed a place to stay.
I politely told her that I walked home, only to be met with more fuckery.
wp_ss_20141005_0005For those of you who don’t know, Lyft (like Uber) is a taxi business. She basically asked me if I wouldn’t mind taking a Lyft to her place…after walking for two hours in the night…
The next few images represent how I felt about her asking me such a question
If I tear you hot slapWhaaa
orchestra of fucksgo f yourselfEither ways, I calmed down and politely declined, only to be met with ONE more bit of fuckery.

wp_ss_20141005_0006Deep down, my reply to her was more of a “Fuck You”, but I decided to use her words since karma came quick. Safe to say I held my tongue well, because I really couldn’t even believe she would say such after letting me walk for that long. Like bitch you could’ve just called for a Lyft to take me home.

That’s pretty much my story for the day. Follow @TheOiz & @AboutUseful and have an awesome day!

4 thoughts on “I Know I’m Stupid, But I’m Not THAT Stupid

  1. What the literal fuck. I would’ve gone off on her. I would’ve said “if it’s so inexpensive, why didn’t you lyft me to your place earlier? And it’s like two hours later, why even ask me that question??”

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