Clubbing In San Francisco: What To Expect

So hey guys! Back again to another bit of information that’ll probably help you in no way possible. Or it might. Either ways, this post is dedicated to those who intend to go clubbing (at some point in their life) in San Francisco. I guess it might go for clubbing in general, but I can’t say.

Clubbing In San Francisco: There Are Two Types of People

Now I’m a very calculated person. I usually dive in after making multiple calculations in my head about whether or not I can dive in. So from my experiences clubbing in San Francisco, I’m going to group the various types of people you’ll see in clubs here. Remember, this is my observation based off of what I could see. I was only focused on booty givers and my competition. To stay ahead of the game, I head to see where the major competition was and I had to assimilate/improve on their techniques to get to the booty.

Generally, I’ll just be telling you what to expect from various demographics. And since I’m being nice, I’ll give you the golden rule of dancing at clubs. I’ll keep it really simple since most people don’t like mathematics.

Always remember to count in fives when pursuing the booty.

There are two key factors to getting females in clubs.

Dignity, and Approach.

On a scale of 1 (I don’t care what it is, I want booty) to 5 (Specific booty only), rate how high/low you’re willing to let your dignity in the name of booty.
With that in mind, rate your approach game from 1 (your mum might reject you) to 5 (your picture is found beside the definition of “smooth”) and add these two factors together.
Since booty comes in twos, multiply whatever answer you got by 2.
Your face plays a slight role in getting booty, so rate that on a scale of 1 (facially handicapped) to 10 (should be a face model) and add this to your numbers.
You will be competing against guys AND girls (especially in San Francisco) to get booty, so divide whatever number you have now by 2.
Since you are your worst critic, subtract your final number from the first number you got from adding your dignity and approach game.

Whatever number you get is the number of rejections you could receive before one booty finds its way into your palms.

NB: The final number you’ll end up with cannot be higher than 3 because

  1. Gotta subtract 1 for Statistical Discrepancy
  2. No one is perfect. You can’t just grab 5 asses and expect them to just roll on you. If you do this, you have the rare touch called Midas Booty Syndrome.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Almighty Formula for Booty Accumulation (in clubs).

If you don’t understand my Mathematics, I’ll explain in English.

“As all hands have 5 fingers, so will it be with females. For every 3 girls who reject you, there’s a 5th cutie just waiting for you to grab the booty.”

Yes, I know I skipped a number after 3. After 3 rejections, the counter resets.

Booty Givers

I know “females” aren’t a demographic, but in general, there are two types of females you’ll happen to stumble upon in clubs. You’ll either meet

  1. Single Players: Now, just by the name you understand that they’re alone. These are the females who came with friends but they end up being scattered from their clique of friends either of their own accord, or just by the flow of the night. There’s no specific demographic that brings the most single ladies to the club, but these are the females who are appreciated the most. They were definitely the ones the almighty booty grabbing formula was made for.
    Pros: They get to go wild without any hindrances except they choose to be one themselves.
    Cons: Since they’re alone, they’re more prone to people asking them to dance (and this could be annoying if you’re tired of dancing). Occasionally they’ll reject people who wouldn’t take too kindly to being rejected and that’ll cause a mini battle there and then without them having their friends to come around and slam any goat that’s being a nuisance.

bodyslamThey usually spend the tail end of the night looking for their friends.

  1. Multiplayers: These are the second group of females who, as you can tell, work in groups. They hold hands and huddle together like a football team before every play. I’m guessing once they’re all together, they strategize as a group on how to keep all their members together while they hold hands.
    huddleOccasionally they act like lesbians (which eliminates predators with sausages and introduces new predators into the mix. Especially since this is San Francisco) to ward off the predators. You have a better chance accumulating the Midas Booty Syndrome than breaking up a group to dance with a single member. When applying the Booty Formula to groups, you have to treat each group as a firm instead of individuals i.e. All the members together count as 1 person.
    Pros: Groups are strong at curving people.
    No one has to look for anyone at the end of the night since you’ll always be together.
    Even when someone succeeds at dancing with a single group member, the group as a whole can still remain without disbanding.
    Cons: No one likes people who make/hide in groups.


Black People
Deep down, I feel like I didn’t capture all the different types of black people I met at clubs, but there were two main types of black people that stood out. Even though there are two types of black people, their method of approaching booty doesn’t differ by much.

  1. Lone Wolves: These are the black guys who rule the dance floor. Be very wary of them and their white counterparts. Confidence levels are through the roof and they usually tend to know people in the club. Their favorite females to approach tend to be white. They usually don’t care about being rejected (especially by the white females) since they know a few people there. If you do reject them, they tend to move towards the females they do know and stare you down while they grind on the booty in front of them.
    In their minds eye, they see this happening

splitIn reality, the female who’s supposed to be rejected is like


2.   Hyenas: These are the black guys who operate in packs. They usually don’t have as much confidence as the lone wolves individually, but as a whole, they’re just as strong as the lone wolves.
Many a times, Hyenas are formed there and then in the club by a bunch of guys (usually black) who’ve been seeking out booty with no luck. When they look at each other, they see the booty deficiency (lack of booty accumulation) in each other’s eyes and mentally nod at each other to notify one another of a willing booty if it should arise. So from just two guys looking for booty, that number could rapidly increase until all the hyenas look like a scatter plot graph.

One has to be wary of hyenas for the mere fact that once one female allows a member, other members booty senses (every black man has this. Don’t argue. Its science) will tingle and immediately start lining up to run a train on that booty.

Black Methodology
Before I leave the side of black people, I realized that they have this distinct approach only found in this demographic that could not be found in any other demographic. I find this method of approach pretty slick and super effective since you could either get the booty or retain your dignity even in the face of rejection, so take notes.
It starts with someone with booty deficiency looking for a female to dance with. Since clubs are very packed places, you usually tend to have to move through a sea of bodies, usually using your hands to clear a path so you can walk through.
Keeping all this in mind, the black man scouts for booty and sees potential.
He saunters in the direction of the booty, his eyes only gazing at the prize.
As he finally reaches touching distance of the booty, he acts disinterested and looks as though he’s trying to clear a path for himself while sneakily putting a hand on the prey’s waist.
At this point, the prey looks to see who’s grabbing her waist.
He stares her down to see if she can see the suffering in his eyes and release the booty unto him.
If she does, he places his second hand and begins to dance.
If she doesn’t and tries to reject him, he looks at her like

uhhhh And acts like he was trying to clear a path for himself all along and “mistakenly” touched her waist in the process of doing so.
I think this is ingenious.

White People (and a bit of Asians)
I think I should expand on the header a bit. Generally, white people tend to be more than Asians at clubs, but they both have the same types of people which are

  1. Confident Ones: I don’t mean to sound like I have an inferiority complex or anything, but a black guy at full confidence cannot peak a white guy at full confidence. When you see super confident white people…run. Their type of confidence tends to cross into the lines of cockiness. These are the ones who’ll grab the booty with 100% ownership and if you reject them, they’ll most likely insult you and grab the next booty (usually successfully) and go on about their business (without caring if you were spited). They aren’t usually the best of dancers, but amazingly (maybe because of their confidence) they get the most booty.
    Moral Lesson: Confidence is everything.
  2. Not-so-confident Ones: These are usually the brand of white people we know. The ones who are really shitty at dancing.
    danceGenerally, they get no females. And they know this.
    However, their methods of dancing are quite intricate.
    So what they do is scout someone at least 4 to 5 feet away (who’s probably not looking at them) and telepathically start dancing with them. I say telepathically since it’s in their head the female is dancing with them. You as an outsider wouldn’t notice this until you look in the direction their facing and start dancing with the female their looking at. Once you do this, they immediately turn around and look for another person to dance with.
    In the rare case that they actually get someone to dance with, they tend to leave enough space for three Holy Spirits, the Antichrist and more when they dance

God that sounded so ignorant of me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I wanted to say “Spanish speaking people” but that would’ve been even more ignorant. I think the politically correct term is Latino? I dunno. Either ways, you get the picture. This’ll be very brief since there are only two basic types of “Mexicans” and they are

  1. Couples: They come in all over each other, OBVIOUSLY a couple, and never leave each other from start to finish. Quite as annoying as groups in my opinion.
  2. Not In Relationships: The ones who aren’t in relationships tend to be older (and sometimes look like family men/women). Some (females who fall in this category) tend to be fat and they tend to form groups, dancing with their friend (who tends to be fat too). However, it’s easier to break up this group.

That’s basically it. This obviously isn’t ALL the people you’ll meet at clubs in San Francisco. You’ll still meet a lot of weirdos. And even if you meet all these people I’ve mentioned, I can’t guarantee all demographics will behave the way I’ve highlighted, however, there’s a high chance things will happen in this manner.

So yup. Follow @TheOiz or @AboutUseful (I now have a Twitter for my blog) for updates on blog posts and have an awesome day!
By the way, do you like the new changes on the blog?

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