My First Clubbing Experience

So hey guys, I know I’m usually loaded with stories and shit, and I guess I short changed y’all last year by not telling you all the tales I had planned. But I’ll make it up to you guys. A big thank you for those of you who wanted for the return of Useful Information About Nothing. To those who don’t care, well…

fuck yourself

To all my new readers, I swear I’m nice. Do not judge me by the gif you saw above. But if you’ve already judged me, well…

no fucks given

But I swear, I’m really nice 🙂


My First Clubbing Experience

So my elder brother, Omo, had been saying he was gonna take me out to go clubbing for almost two years, but this time around, he was actually serious. Now guys, I dunno if y’all understood how weird this was gonna look. My 28 year old brother (who knew I didn’t have a fake ID) was going to go with me to an 18 and above club (which is usually filled with mostly 15 & 16 year olds with fake ID’s). When he mentioned it, I thought he was joking like he had been for the past two years. But once I heard the seriousness in his tone, I was like

hell noInitially I thought it was too weird and didn’t wanna go, but then I gave it some thinking. I don’t know what it looks like to you guys, but that’s some serious love right there.

Anyways, fast forward to clubbing night and we got there, parked and all. There was a long line but my bro just walked around, talked to some people, went to meet some woman who was ticking off names at another line and next thing I knew, we were on a separate line, in front of a lot of people. He was there feeling like an OG and shit. I was just looking at him like

filthBut deep down, I was more like


How the hell did he do that?!?!

Anyways, we got into the club and I saw a lot of ladies. Different ethnicities, different pretty faces and…

booty!Oh so many forms of booty. If I ever had doubts about the booty, my faith in it was restored that night.

While I was zoning out on the booty, my brother saw nothing but minors. Immediately he got in, he mentioned needing a drink. I’m pretty sure he might’ve liked what he saw, but as he was about to mentally dive in he’ll be forced to chill like

Hol'upWoah! Minor Minor Minor. Too young. Too Too Young.

Anyways, I scouted for some booty and hovered around the area, while I occasionally checked to see if my brother was looking at me or something. He wasn’t. And not long after, he was already dancing with one girl who was probably my age while I was still scouting for the booty like

damnNow you need to understand my field of vision. The dancefloor was packed with so many kinds of people. Some were obviously couples, others had special preference (white boys only, lesbian, etc) and some were just straight out shoving away all potential predators. The dancefloor was a scary place to be on if you had no dance skills whatsoever. Only some fake confidence. That was me.

Anyways, I finally cooked up the courage to finally approach a babe. I had been scouting her and she wasn’t viciously curving everyone like a typical lightskin would. I knew it was a stretch, me being the blackito I was approaching one of those lightskins who have a vicious reputation for curving. Nevertheless, I trusted my scouting abilities to approach her and hopefully not get rejected.

I really don’t like rejection. I mean, I know a lot of us don’t wanna be rejected and fear it, but I’m so scared of rejection, that if I don’t feel like I have at least an 80% chance at getting something, I wouldn’t move for it. Anyways, I decided to stylishly approach my prey. I was going to slowly dance behind her. Maybe breathe down her neck so she realizes someone is behind her and hopefully make eye contact with me. And if she looks at me and doesn’t walk away or faces me and starts dancing with me, I’ll know I’ve succeeded. If not, I’ll just move closer and keep hoping this plan works.

Long story short, it worked.

I was there enjoying dancing with this girl, going down and up with her. Holding her waist as she backed it all up and everything was great. It was just like I’d seen it in them music videos where the guy and the girl are grinding.

Anyways, she got tired/legit had to go, so I left her and went about scouting my next prey. The first female had given me confidence to meet the second female and try again. Lo and behold, this creepy waiting behind you tactic worked again and soon, I was dancing with another female. But there was just one problem

too tallBeing 6’4, most of the dances I had in the club were as you can see above. So much so that by the time I had danced with the fourth female, I couldn’t feel my knees. I also couldn’t feel my toes. And this was because some short ones wore heels and either didn’t know how to dance with them, or thought my toes were part of the floor or something. Cus they kept stepping on me.

Anyways, I decided to find the first girl I had danced with since she wasn’t too short and didn’t step on me. After searching for someone to take my place with the girl I was currently dancing with, I saw a guy and immediately we made this eye contact that easily conveyed the information.

uh huhHe got with the babe, and I began searching for the first girl I danced with. I had to move around a lot of bodies here and there, lots of random dancers and all their weird dance moves, until I saw a girl viciously curving people. She was literally like,

breakupI decided to just look at whoever this babe was before I continued my search. Guess who it was?! Yup. The first girl I had danced with. She wasn’t even given any guys chances, yet I could see like four guys randomly staring at her either in fascination, disgust or both.

Suddenly, this random wave of badassness came upon me, and I decided that I would be the one to capture that booty.

And so I sauntered in her direction. I saw the eyes of two guys widen as they watched me approach this babe. Another one was just looking at me funny. As I got closer and closer, it dawned on me that I could be viciously curved by someone I had just rubbed my penis on.

dramaThe booty was now within touching distance. I could see it. All the curved and the ones who were gonna be curved by her in the future were watching me. There was no turning back now.

So I grabbed her waist with a firm grip.

She swatted my hand, but my grip was too strong.

She kept swatting again, but I boldly put another hand until she felt the urge to turn around to see who it was that refused to get the message. I was already sweating at this point.

When she turned and saw me, her demeanor changed. She smiled and actually began to shake her butt.



This was me all the way

all me

Some guys smiled at me in congratulatory manners. Others were looking at the girl like she was some terrible liar or something. That just made the dance a shit ton sweeter. We danced for a long while until my brother texted me that he was ready to go.


All in all, it was a great night. I mean, I did get curved viciously a bunch of times on the dancefloor, but I refuse to bring such negativity on this blog. 2015 is my year of positivity please. Only good vibes this year! Anyways, follow me @TheOiz or just subscribe to the blog so you don’t miss out on posts, and have an awesome day!


2 thoughts on “My First Clubbing Experience

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