Hobos And Coldstone


Finally! And we back and we back and we back. For those of you who missed me, sorry for the wait. For those of you who didn’t miss me…

liar

I have so many stories to actually tell you guys, but I think I should start with what happened yesterday night. Afterwards, I’ll try to tell you about all the other stories you might have missed out on during my hiatus. I’m still blogging on Adventures Of Him And Her so don’t think I’ve forgotten the blog too. I shan’t be giving any excuse as to why I’ve been absent for the longest time, so if you feel as tho I owe you an apology, this is how much I care.

how much i care

Hobos & Coldstone

So yesterday night, I decided to treat myself to some movies and ice cream. So I went out with a friend and ended up seeing Guardians Of The Galaxy and As Above So Below. Both movies were pretty good. However, during As Above So Below, I remembered why people never took me with them to see horror movies.

For those of you who know me well, I have a very morbid sense of humor. For instance, a scary scene pops up, everyone’s panicking when a woman wearing a white cloth with her dead baby pops on the screen. Chaos in the theater. Everyone’s screaming and throwing popcorn in the air. And then there’s me. Laughing at the woman’s baby because it has no head and the bloody brain looks like squished strawberries. Everyone tends to look at me like I’m crazy, while I’m there like

 funny right

        Either ways, same shit happened during the movie. I didn’t care though. I’ve learned to ignore people and not give a damn anymore. I mean, if people can clap (for God knows who) at the end of a movie, I’m allowed to laugh at what’s seen as scary. Just as an aside, if you clap at the end of a movie, you’re retarded.

Anyways, the movie ends and I’m on my way home when I see Cold Stone! It’d been a while since I treated myself to ice cream anyways. So I went there and got Chocolate Devotion and that shit hit the spot! I was like this deer enjoying his leaves, except I was enjoying ice cream.

vegetarians

So, I’m all set to go home. Went to the bus stop and after waiting for a while, my bus comes and I hopped in and went to the back of the bus to enjoy my ice cream orgasms in silence. I even had my schoolbag with me, my laptop being inside, so I was about to enjoy Football Manager & Chocolate Devotion. Life couldn’t have been any better.

It was all good for about 5 minutes. All good until this hobo boarded the bus. Initially, I didn’t notice him on the bus cus I didn’t even look up. I was focused on my game. But his odors came in sequences. First, it was alcohol. He smelled piss drunk. Which brings me to his second smell, urine. It was like he’d bed wetted over and over again and refused to change his clothes. The last stench was shit. Now mix all these smells and what do you get? Wasted ice cream and me trying to turn my cardigan into a hijab cus there was no escaping his stench.

I desperately wanted to escape. If I could channel my inner Edo wizard and beam to another place, I would’ve.

i'm preg..

But I guess my powers only work when I’m closer to home.

And so there I was, in a bus with people slowly making the back area crowded as no one could sit within his radius without having their eyes water from his overpowering stench. Even the bus driver drove a bit faster than usual, not because he’s a reckless driver, but because air seemed to enter the bus quicker that way.

Either ways, I made new friends. We laughed, watched new people sit right behind the hobo, get their nostrils destroyed then watch them relocate to the back of the bus with us. Initially it was just a Mexican couple and I, but by the time I reached my stop, we were about 15 different people on the bus.

Just before I got off the bus, while daring some of my new friends to go sit behind the hobo for like 5 minutes, the hobo actually turned around to look at us. Initially, my face turned sober, cus I thought he heard me daring other people at his expense. Instead, he gave me a funny look and smiled as if to say

 deal sha

Asshole.

And that’s how my night ended! Sorry for the delay with posts. But I’m back now. Follow @TheOiz and have an awesome day!

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