Sidemanism: Being A Good Side (Wo)Man

Hey Guys! It’s been a while and all, and I really don’t want to go into any details, so let’s just skip to today’s post and its contents aii? Cool.

As you can tell from the title of today’s post, this post is dedicated to those people who know that they’re the French Fries to someone’s Happy Meal, the Sprinkles on top of an Ice-Cream, the Whipped Cream on a person’s Hot Chocolate. Pretty much, this is a post dedicated to those who KNOW that they are on the side. I say this because I’m making this post for only people who acknowledge their role as sides, and not people who are still confused about their role in someone’s life. If you don’t know where you stand in someone’s life, take care, but please note that…

idgafSooo, back to all my sides. First off, I would like to congratulate you for playing a pivotal role in relationships. I understand how frustrating it must be for you to see someone you really want, but the person’s taken by someone who isn’t appreciating the love of your life in the best way possible. Contrary to popular belief, I honestly feel like people like you guys, are absolutely necessary pre/post-relationship times. Cus if you think about it, thanks to you guys, people in relationships have to keep on their toes and give their significant other their all…just to ensure that the relationship stays interesting. If there were no sides, people will just enter relationships without really being committed, because they see no danger in not being committed. I mean, would you really care about health insurance if you rarely ever fall sick? Didn’t think so.

I’m also here to tell you that as a side (wo)man, you shouldn’t get upset about your status, as one day, you too, can be the main. You just have to realize that most times, people like hamburgers without fries, ice cream without sprinkles, and just bare hot chocolate. But once they get in touch with that perfect side, some people just end up dropping the burger for just fries alone. It might take a while, but it’s possible! So do not feel dismayed!

Asides that, relationships won’t be fun without you guys. Picture having a hamburger without fries. Just a hamburger alone. Filling? Yes. Enjoyable experience? Nah. So I’m here to commend you on the good job y’all are doing, and I’m also here, to give a few tips to those who are new to the philosophy of sidemanism.


1.               Don’t Force Yourself Into The Picture; Patience Is The MasterKey.

As the adage goes, “The patient dog, gets the fattest bone.” it also applies to the patient Side. As a side, you have to learn that your role is to be ON THE SIDE. Don’t try to force your way into a relationship. Don’t go texting him/her every minute, every hour, every second, striving to get and keep his attention. (S)He has a main person who does that. Your job is to keep the mains on their toes, while you coolly keep a safe distance. A distance that’s safe enough to put you and the main character a mile away from each other, but also close enough for you to be noticed by the person you wish to be with. Yes it might be annoying playing the waiting game, watching from a distance while working in the shadows, but in the end, it pays off. I mean, you don’t see McDonald’s advertising their Big Mac with fries, however, when the meal comes out, fries are always part of it. Why? Because they acknowledge that it’s a pivotal part of the meal, even if it isn’t shown on TV. Even if you want to be on display, since something is in the way, let it be. Just work hard on the side, text/contact your target from time to time, but also remember to give them breathing space. If you do these well, you’ll have your wish. You’ll get to be the star of a show you were once hidden in. And then when you get your own spotlight, you can go back to the former “Main”, and give them a pat on the head for trying……

 there there

Or you could rip their heads off for being there for so long and making you wait.




Many a times, I find myself thinking that being a Side, is similar to being a boys scout, for the sole purpose that Sides and scouts follow the same motto—being prepared.

As a Side, you have to wait for your turn to get the attention you so desire. This means that you might have to watch your love and his/her main celebrate holidays, birthdays, and other worldly momentary occasions together, while you watch from your safe zone. As I said earlier on, the most important virtue a Side needs to have is patience. Once you’re patient, good things will come to you. However, when the good thing does come to you, you DO need to be prepared for it.

This means that when your moment comes, don’t spend it asking questions like

“Why don’t you always text me back on time?”


“Do I even mean anything to you?”


“Why can’t we spend Valentine’s/New Year’s/Christmas together?”

All these questions will only bring you arguments, and further deter the chances you desire, to become the main. Refrain from them even if they pop in your head. That’s the main’s job to worry about, and under no circumstances should you even fathom, nor entertain, invite, or try to introduce the question that asks

“What are we?”

Trying to force his/her hand will only result in a cold loss.

Instead, work on being supportive. Be a good listener, while you let your love be the center of attention. Ask about their day and what you can do to make them feel better. If it comes to getting down (irrespective of your virginity status), let him/her know that


Doesn’t mean you’ll always have sex. Y’all might just make out or anything else. But just being supportive, and acting as a stress reliever, especially after a lot of nagging from the main, can go a long way in making your lover reconsider his choice of main.



Appearance is everything when it comes to being a Side. (S)He sees the main every day, so their appearance isn’t always going to be great. But you are seen occasionally. It is your duty to look good ALWAYS. Take thirst traps, show your abs, or anything that you can, to let your love smile, and wish that all (s)he’s seeing might be better than what he already has.

However, please note, that in looking good and showing off, it doesn’t only refer to taking pictures. It also refers to your conduct online, and in reality. When you’re making status updates, or uploading pictures at parties or events with acquaintances, friends, or even other lovers, make sure you always remember to keep your lover under the illusion that (s)he is the only one (irrespective of if you have other lovers). You don’t want your lover opening his Twitter to see overly flirtatious pictures of you with a guy, or lovey dovey Facebook comments between you and another girl.

No, you’re supposed to let him/her believe that you’re the only French Fry to his/her hamburger. Don’t make him think that his/her Side, has a side. It’ll only make your lover want to break the chain and let you and your side be.

I’m sure you never thought being a side was hard work right? You thought it was just a piece of cake, but after reading all this, you’re like…

 Holy shit

Well, let’s move on to the final tips.



As a side who’s making a lot of progress, you’ll constantly find yourself wanting to be the center, and hating on the main just because (s)he’s still there. It’s like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after a long journey, but still not being able to reach it. After doing everything your lover wants of you, good, and crazy.

 Crazy wishes

Frustrating to feel so close, yet so far away.

However, at this point in time, it’s really pointless to turn those days/weeks/months/years of hard work into dust, by pushing too hard, too fast. Remember your roots, and how you started out. Take that into consideration, before you think of ways to gently slide in questions/ideas about why the main is still there. You need to be very careful in this stage because you are about to tread on deadly ground, and any mistake can ruin the past work.

So before you think of taking the risk of asking those questions you’re never supposed to, think to yourself,

“Is it worth it?”

“Will I be able to deal with the reply if it’s not what I’m expecting?”

If you answered no to either of these questions, then I’d advise you not to do it.



As a Side, you have to realize that even after doing all these 4 steps, taking care and being patient, you still might not get what you want. That’s life, and it’s quite cruel. If you feel like you’ve reached this point in time, or things are looking too heated, especially if the main has discovered you exist, then I’d advise you to leave your lover. It seems easy to say, but its best you leave when things just aren’t going your way. You win some, you lose some.


And with this Sides and Mains, Singles and Taken, we’ve come to the end of today’s post. I wish y’all a happy Valentine’s Day in advance. And to all the Sides who won’t be with the one they love on Valentine’s Day, be not dismayed…February 15th is National Side Piece day. Your lover is all yours then! To all the mains I’ve upset,

 hold it

Follow @TheOiz and have a wonderful time!

5 thoughts on “Sidemanism: Being A Good Side (Wo)Man

  1. This is so scaringly useful to anyone who is actually a side! As someone’s ‘main’, I’m hoping and praying that no ‘side’ gets to see this post, but of course I’m only kidding myself….;-)
    As ‘mains’, we do tend to demonise the ‘sides’ like they aren’t also human but you’ve managed to almost make me like them, well done.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s