Hey guys! It’s been a really REALLY long time. I know. Naturally, I would be jumping into today’s post, without really explaining why I’ve been away for so long, but I guess I owe you guys an explanation. This is how my week has been, with me being the pig and “Life” being the hippo
I’m not gonna go into detail, but the past two months have been hellish for me. My grades at school haven’t been how I liked, fam hasn’t been too happy with me, and at one point, I snapped and lost my cool. Like I legit lost my cool and got mad with someone in my Biology class and my teacher reported me to the dean, who gave me this
For me to have lost my cool, you have to understand how bad things have been going for me. I don’t get mad. So for that to happen, shit must have been really going downhill for me. Oh, I also lost my retainers and my pops said I’m to pay for it by myself. That’s $350 just like that. So that’s substandard grades, shitty moods, health issues, losing my cool and having to cough up $350 just like that. Why all this is happening to me…
But anyways, I’ll survive. It’s November. And a lot of things are looking up. Thanks to you guys, my blog is among the last five blogs in line to win the Best Humor Blog for this year. I also somehow managed to cough up $350 and my grades are coming back. Also, the birthday’s this Sunday. So I guess I have something to be happy about.
Anyways, today’s post is gonna be one I’ve been holding for so long and I apologize. It’s someone’s Friendzone Chronicle, but being retold by me. I’ll still stick to the script, but I’ll tell it my way! So sit back, relax, and enjoy.
She Loves Me? She Loves Me Not
Hi! The name’s Xavier. I’m no professor, I don’t control a legion of mutants and I’m not dead. I’m up and about on these streets, blogging, rapping, while still trying to get that education on the side. Some of y’all know me as the guy that blogs on ThingsStandErect, some of you know me personally, and a lot of you don’t even know I exist. But thanks to this post, now ya do!
Before I go in, really wanna tender a heartfelt apology to Oiz, really meant to send in my Chronicle earlier, but procrastination is a bitch and a bastard, so once I got the new post I decided imma send it in before I even get to read.
So let’s get down to business.
A long time ago, in a faraway kingdom. There existed this girl called Liz. Her real name is not Liz, but I’d rather not mention her name cus I’d still like to get at her if I could.
Now, when Liz and I became friends, she wasn’t experiencing the greatest of moments. She pretty much met me when everything wasn’t really going right for her in life and anytime she needed help with issues usually concerning her and her bf, she’d come and talk to me. Other times, she’d come talk to me because she was bored and I was the most interesting person she knew. Let’s face it guys, I am pretty entertaining.
Day after day after day, she’d come to me, to complain about what her bf wasn’t doing right to her and on one fateful day, I had had enough. I mean, she was hot and all, short, curvy with a nice butt, lightskinned and beautiful. She didn’t deserve to be treated like shit. Especially since she’s lightskinned. Don’t you know many lightskins are hard to get and usually almost always treat niggas according to how they were treated in their past relationshi(t/p)? I was really fed up and so I told her to break up with him and a few weeks later, she did it.
So I took my time to nurse her, and make her feel good about the breakup like any good friend would do. The whole nursing and recuperation stage went on for about three months. Sometime in the middle of the third month, I got courageous enough to ask her out and her reply was “I’m not yet ready.” Obviously that was a heart wrenching reply, but I let it slide and continued to try my luck with her and persevere and finally, after another three months…
I decided I could persevere no longer.
So I met another girl named Chi, and we got in a relationship. The relationship was blissful and everything went well and I was enjoying life. One fateful day, 2 months into my new relationship, a mutual friend had a party, and we (Chi, Liz & I) were in attendance. After the day passed, Liz texted me, saying she wanted the relationship (look at this filthy lightskin behavior). Me being a real nigga and an opportunist immediately jumped at her offer and told her
6 months later… (Yes, I’m very good with dates)
Chi and I fell apart and so we broke up. Liz was still single so I dropped my dignity and asked her out again. This time, she told me it was too soon after my own break up. I was just there like
Then again, I kept on trying to get at this babe. What didn’t I do just to get her attention? Showered her with gifts on her birthday, on Christmas day, and even into Valentine’s Day. At some point, I even felt like I was getting sick with every rejection. I felt bits and pieces of me being taken away everytime this babe told me “No. I only see you as a friend and don’t want to spoil the relationship.” After months of trying and persevering but to no avail, I called it quits.
Hey don’t blame me! At least I knew when to stop. Unlike some of you who have established a mansion in her friendzone. Besides, I found out a few years later that she wanted me as “just a friend” because her elder sister didn’t like me and all that. Obviously we all know that’s a big lie, because her elder sister was in another country while I was trying to court her. So when she was trying to make me feel better with her lie, I was just staring at her like
And there you have it! That’s today’s post! I hope you enjoyed it! If you have any Friendzone/Curve Chronicle and you’ll like your story to be told incognito, or you’re bold enough to state your name, then shoot me an email @ firstname.lastname@example.org Follow @TheOiz and remember to have a nice day!