Heyy guys! How are we all doing today? Hope we’re all doing great?! If you’re wondering why I stopped blogging for a while, I really have no reason. That’s the fun part about having your own blog. When it comes to making an agenda, the whole thing is really simple
Anyways, I’ve really just been focusing more on my second blog and it’s actually doing great. The most pressing issue of all is that the Nigerian Blog Awards are coming soon. Yay! Recently discovered that blogs actually get awards. Anyways, if it’s not too much to ask of you guys, I’d appreciate it if you could nominate Usefulinformationaboutnothing.wordpress.com for the Best Humor Blog and Theadventuresofhimandher.wordpress.com for Best New Blog right here. All you have to do is go to the highlighted link, put your name and email address, look for Best Humor & New Blog (numbers 12 and 14 respectively) and put the blog links (not blog name, links) in there. You’ll get a confirmation email, and you’ll just have to go to your email, click on the link you were emailed and THEN, your vote would be counted. So please, nominate me, even if I hate you. J
That’s pretty much all I have to say for today, but I guess I should leave y’all with one blog post as to how I spent my last weekend. It was pretty upsetting tbh. It was the first time I ever felt like laying my hands on a girl. More like consistent slapping, but still, you get the gist. I’ll keep the story as brief as possible, as it still upsets me everytime I think about it.
My Worst Weekend Ever
So last Saturday night, I was minding my own business, when I got a phone call from Jennifer, a friend of mine. She called, asking me if I was ready. Initially, my mind thought she meant “Ready” as in
Backtrack to about a week ago and this same Jennifer girl had called me earlier, telling me her birthday was on the 22nd of the month, and she didn’t know what to do. I suggested a house party, but she said that there wasn’t enough room for all her friends to party in one house. Then I suggested bowling but she said she wanted to go to a Strip Club in West Hollywood, and some club in Gardena. Now I didn’t really give a damn, but just nodded and told her that if all her friends can make it, then I’ll show up as well.
A week later and I’d forgotten about it. I was prepared for one of those Saturdays filled with boring movies, cartoons, porn, Mcdonalds’ breakfast, and finally, sleep. I was already passed the porn stage when she called to remind me about the party and gave me about an hour to get ready. I really didn’t wanna go for the party tbh. It took a while to finally find some good porno to watch. But I guess I just had to do the right thing.
So I got into the backseat of the car and was kinda surprised that she was driving, while there was a dude (called Joseph) beside her. So now I’m chilling in the car, and Jennifer and is busy turning Joseph into her receptionist until his phone died, telling him to help her call one of her friends. He’d call, put it on speakerphone, and then she’d talk to these friends while I listened in on the conversation. After numerous calls and silence, I got kinda tired and finally spoke to both of them.
They acknowledged my presence, and we started talking. I quickly stopped talking to Jennifer, because she was driving really funny. Like I can’t begin to explain it. She wasn’t drunk or anything, but she was driving just like it. Her hands weren’t stable on the wheel, she switched lanes without indicating, she even drifted once…all in the name of making a light before it turned red. I became really scared and stopped talking to her and focused on talking to Joseph with hopes that her focusing on driving alone would make her a better driver. It didn’t work.
She got Joseph’s attention again and made him call a dude named “Erwin”. Apparently, she got frustrated that he wasn’t picking her calls because he had posted on his Whatsapp that he was updating to iOS7 so he wouldn’t be responding to anyone soon. When I asked her why she kept calling him, she told me that she had misplaced her wallet in his car, and all her money was inside and she needed money so she could put gas/fuel in Joseph’s car and also do all the stuff she wanted to do tonight.
Now, y’all might not know Jennifer, but I do. And one key thing I know about her is…she never has money at moments where money is needed. So when she said this, I knew it meant only one thing…
“So Emmanuel, can you borrow me some money? I’m getting paid on Friday and I’ll pay you back after tonight cus I’ll go visit Erwin and get my wallet from his car.” She said
From the last time she “Borrowed” money from me, I’m yet to receive my payment. So I told her I only had $25. So she asked me to “Borrowed” her $10 so she could put some gas in the car and I just closed my eyes and “Borrowed” her the money.
As we arrived at the gas station, her bad driving was beginning to show again, and she looked like she was about to scratch the wall. Out of nowhere, Joseph jokingly shouted “Watch Out!”
His shout caught my attention, but it didn’t really startle me. Jennifer wasn’t startled either. However, his shout made her throw a bitch fit. She started screaming and shit. Like her temper just flew off the roof
“Joseph! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT THE FUCK JOSEPH? YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY. FUCK YOU. I’M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE, I’M GONNA CALL THIS PARTY THING OFF AND GO HOME.” She said
Joseph and I were laughing our hearts out, but then relaxed and started trying to make her relax and understand that it was just a joke. This girl kept fuming, insulting Joseph like it wasn’t his car she was driving, like she couldn’t take a joke. Anyways, after we managed to calm her down and stopped with our “Jokes”, she drove back to the gas station but they were closed. So she opted to go and pick up one more friend I knew.
We picked up the dude (Chucky) around 12:30AM. Since we knew each other, I told him to drive cus I wasn’t gonna be in that car any longer if Jennifer kept driving. Before he took the wheel, Jennifer started explaining her money predicament to him, telling him she had misplaced it in his car and was upset cus he wasn’t answering his phone and helping her. Then Chucky said
“But Jen…isn’t it this same Erwin guy, that you made me have a threeway conversation with you and him on the phone earlier this evening? Cus I remember him saying he searched his car and he didn’t see your wallet in there.”
Then Jennifer became silent.
The silence got awkward and then Chucky went and started driving. So he took the wheel, went to the gas station and put $15 worth of gas (Joseph chipped in money to pay for gas, even though he wasn’t driving his car.) and we went to West Hollywood. Since it was past twelve, all I wanted was Mcdonalds breakfast, but there wasn’t any in sight, till we arrived at our destination, so I just figured we’d go to the strip club, do what we want, come out and eat, then go to Gardena. I consoled myself with the thoughts of the strip club and the booties I was about to grope
We finally got to the strip club and went to park at the nearest parking lot. Parking cost $10 at that spot, but there was no time for street parking, so I just cajoled Chucky to park at that spot. However, Jennifer was like
“But we’re only gonna be here for like a few minutes. I just want us to check this place out. I’ve never been to a strip club before so that’s why I want us to check it out then we’ll head to the real party at Gardena.”
It took a while, but I had to explain to this girl that even if we were gonna be going into the strip club just to see someone and come out, we’d still have to pay the $10 just because we’re using someone’s facilities. Like I said, it took a while, but she finally listened to my logic, and with that, by 1:16AM, 1:16AM, we walked to the strip club to go in. I keep mentioning time, because I want you to understand how many hours were wasted during the time this girl threw a bitch fit, and how many hours we should have saved if everything was done normally. So I’ll pull up a map for you. Starting point A is my house, and B is the strip club. (Keep in mind that Chucky’s house was on the way to the strip club, so if we stayed on the path, nothing would have changed)
Anyways, we finally got to the strip club, showed our ID’s and then the dude up front told us it’s gonna cost us $10 to enter. Chucky looked at all of us and said he can cover himself. I looked at the rest of the people and said I could cover myself. Joseph used his eyes to ask someone to cover for Jennifer, but we all turned a blind eye. After a long pause, he said he could cover himself. And then Jennifer just stared at us all, apparently waiting for someone to say “I’ll cover you.” When those words didn’t come out, the guy up front told us to move out so he could attend to people. Tbh, I was really saddened by this. Just when I was about to experience my first experience at any club, let alone a strip club, I got denied.
Jennifer got on her bitch fits again and started complaining and raising her voice, saying that “I never wanted to come to the strip club in the first place. The only reason why I was coming was cus I wanted you guys to have a good time. I’m not gonna have fun with girls swinging their tits at me.”
At this point, I had lost it. Immediately she finished uttering those words, I told her exactly how I felt about all what she had just said.
Wasn’t she the same person who said she wanted to come to a strip club cus she had never been there before? Now she’s making her words metamorphose into “I was only doing it cus of you guys.” I really had to hold in all the curse words in my head cus I was still looking at her like the birthday girl. However, her high pitched voice really made me want to slap her, but with self control, I calmed down.
Chucky & Joseph claimed they were tired as well, and so we drove to Mcdonalds where I finally saw the breakfast menu. In my mind I was selecting all the food I was gonna buy.
We finally got to the guy up front, and when I placed my order, he said they weren’t serving breakfast. At first, I thought it was a joke, but he apologized for their sign being deceitful and said they weren’t serving any breakfast. I really wanted to cry at that moment.
With that, we’ve come to the end of today’s post! Please remember to vote for both of my blogs for the funniest and newest blog respectively. Also, remember to follow @TheOiz and have a nice day!