Hey Guyys! So I’m back again with another post! Before I go on, I want to say that, just like #TheLast9Posts, we’re gonna be having a new theme from now, till the end of the month! This month’s theme is gonna be called #TheFriendZoneChronicles. However, unlike last month’s theme, I’m not gonna be telling all the stories. I’m only gonna tell my story and you guys can tell the rest. I’d tell stories of my times in the friendzone and times my close friends were in the friendzone, but I’m really too lazy to be doing that. Also, school is resuming on Monday, so I won’t have too much time to be blogging. But since I want y’all to be entertained, and also cus I want this blog to be updated till the month is over, I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me your friendzone chronicles. So please, if you have any story of your time/your friend’s time/your brother/sister’s time in the friendzone, how y’all got in, and how y’all hope to get/how y’all got out, email me at emmanuelojeomogha@yahoo.com At your discretion, I’ll either say your name at the end of the post, use a pseudonym for you, or just leave it totally anonymous. Please introduce yourself if you can! So get your best friendzone tales and email me them and I’ll retell em for you! Bless!

PS – Today’s post is gonna be really long.

PPS – But it’s worth it.



Chapter 1

I’d normally not reintroduce myself, but since this might be your first time reading my blog, lemme just welcome you well by letting you know about me. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Oise/Oiz/MrOiz/TheOiz/Anything that starts with “Oi” and ends well. I’m old enough, facially handicapped, love plantain, Taylor Swift and Janelle Monae, and this is my #FriendZoneChronicle.

Since I was in the friendzone for a while (3 and a half years) I’ll only give a quick, but detailed summary about my years in the friendzone.

It all started in JSS3/Grade 9. I was finally used to my village (high school), made friends, and was happy with my life. Remember my “best friend”? The one who snatched my potential girlfriend away? Well, she left him. A new guy was admitted into our class and she fell for him and left my friend alone. Isn’t God just wonderful? Anyways, the new guy wasn’t the only one who got admitted to my class. The dude who won the most popular nickname in my school, remember him? The one called lucozade boost? Yeah, he and his sister were admitted into my class as well. When she stepped in, I was like


In truth, she wasn’t the prettiest girl in our class back then. But, there was just something about her. Her pretty face, nerdy glasses, orange hair (like her bro), and the way she carried herself. As time went on, I also found out how smart she was. Lemme put it into perspective. She dethroned me from my top 3 spot in class and slowly, when the names of the 3 smartest pupils in the class were to be mentioned, my name stopped being there. And for this, I really fell for her. I liked the challenge that she was giving me both academically, and well, physically.

Guys knew how much I liked her, and they teased us both together. When people teased us publicly in class, I’d act angry, but inside of me, I was doing backflips and praying she also secretly liked the tease. After my experience with my “best friend”, I knew that I couldn’t trust anyone to help me get this girl, but myself! However, the final examinations were coming up soon, and we (as a class) were aiming for the best result our school had ever gotten, and so there was no time for me to be wooing this chic.

Exams came and went and our class DID break the record for the best JSSCE result the school had ever seen. There was one straight A student, two students with 9 A’s and a B, a bunch of other kids and I with 8 A’s and 2 B’s, and so on. She was among the 9 A’s and 1 B part of students.

We all celebrated and rejoiced, and during our period of celebration, I decided to grow a pair of balls and went up to her and asked her out. Well we all know how that went. The good news is, she rejected me in a very nice fashion. We talked about it, and argued about why she couldn’t go out with me. Back and forth we went, with me giving my reasons WHY she could & should go out with me (Mutual like, chemistry, we both lived on campus etc), but she returned my arguments with arguments of her own (Distance (off campus, we lived too far away from each other), Too early to date etc) But just when I thought I’d gotten her with one of my points that “It’s never too early to date” she dropped her trump card

gamepointShe told me she just wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t (and still don’t know) any comeback to “I’m just not ready to date yet”. So she had won, fair and square. I was dejected, rejected, and tired. She noticed this then told me that whenever she feels ready, she’ll go out with me. I guess this cheered me up a bit. However, that didn’t stop me from being sad though.

pretty sad

I got home, and did some thinking. I kinda felt as though she probably didn’t date me cus she had higher grades than I did. Maybe the easiest way I could get to her heart, was by getting better grades than her. Since this was the only thought on my mind, and since she didn’t have a phone, and since she lived in a different state than where I did, I went home to spend a long boring vacation. I really yearned to speak to her almost every night. I couldn’t wait for the new session to start.

The start of the new session began. SS1/Grade 10. We had all come back and she looked even better than before. Maybe it was just cus I hadn’t seen her in a long while. Anyways, the term started and I went all out, leaving no stone unturned academically and lo and behold, I had a better result than she did in the first term! I was elated and this seemed to give me a higher sense of confidence to talk to her.

Now, I dunno how y’all did it in your schools, but in my school, after you finish your exams, you have to wait for about a week and a half for all the teachers to mark your exam papers, grade them, call you to correct any errors, then prepare your report card, before you can finally go home. School is no more in session, no classes are going on, but we just gotta stay in school and clean it up. It was during this period of time I decided to ask her out again.

This time though, I decided to write her a letter and ask her out there, that way, we wouldn’t have an argument again, where she’d easily beat me. So I began to write the letter and garnished it with the best pickup lines I thought that existed at that time. The lines I used in my letter, was from D’Banj’s Fall In Love. I’m pretty sure EVERYONE used a line/2 from here to woo a girl when it came out. I was part of the “Everyone”. For those of you who dunno the lyrics or what I’m talking about, just Google the song. Either ways, I felt like I had played it smooth with the letter. Real smooth


Anyways, she, being the smartass she is, didn’t reply that message by writing me back, but decided to physically address it. Again, I had little or no points to help me out, and so she won the argument. This pattern continued every term, with me asking her out at the end of every term, getting rejected, and preparing again for the next term.

This went on until SS3/Grade 12. I was really desperate to get this girl, I hadn’t even noticed the 3 years of fruitless pursuit whizz by. However, I did notice a new development in SS3. People had slowly stopped teasing her and me together, and they started teasing her with another guy in my class. One thing I know about teasing is….it’s usually always right. There’s no smoke without fire. She probably told a friend of hers in the dormitory that he liked her/vice versa. The worst part was, I started seeing them together more often. Maybe it was just normal how they’d talk, but it felt EXTRA ever since the teasing started. Either that or I was just jealous and imagining things. Either ways, I didn’t like this new development at all. So I started trying new ways to get to her. Even though I’m ashamed to say it, at one point, I even considered going to bazoo just to see her body first (in case this new guy went really far with her).


In truth, asides science and a little bit of lust, she was one of the reasons I lost my virginity. It might sound stupid, but I was hell-bent on making her like me one way or another. One of my ways of getting her to like me was trying to make her jealous. When I noticed the girl I lost my virginity to liked me and we had started making out, I decided to deliberately schedule some of our make out sessions during times when I knew she’d walk in. And on 3 occasions, she actually caught us making out. Instead of her to get jealous, she was praising me. I really got soo upset that she was taking it the wrong way. After I lost my virginity (and my leg was no more feeling the effects of the cramps), I went and told her that I had sex with another girl and she started asking me for details about how it happened. I then got upset that she wasn’t even the slightest bit jealous and told her that I’d been using the other girl to try to get her jealous YET she didn’t even care. As soon as I finished saying this and she had recovered from her shock, she slapped me. She got really mad at me for using the other girl and didn’t talk to me for a while. During that while she wasn’t talking to me, she started talking to the guy that she was being teased with…. They started talking…A LOT. Everytime I saw them, all I ever thought about was


Weeks later, she dropped an even bigger bombshell and told me that she was in a relationship with someone. Her neighbour back at home to be exact. Not the dude she was being teased with, not me, but her neighbour back at home. That he, had been asking her out since she was 10. 3 years earlier than I had been doing so. Either ways, I became depressed but had to cheer myself up so I could prepare for my final examinations to get out of the village. We later squashed any beef we had with each other and became cool.

Final examinations came and left and since we were done with high school, the last thing we (as a class) decided to do, was have a party in school. The last party as a whole class so no juniors were allowed.

The party was fun. Lots of things happened at the party. Well not “at” the party, but during the party time outside the party venue, things happened. Inside the party venue, some people did try to make out but were cockblocked by the teachers who occasionally popped in and out to deliberately stop “Things” from happening. Safe to say, I had a good time dancing with other people. Couldn’t dance with her since the dude she was being teased with didn’t let her dance with anyone else.

When the teacher came in one more time, it was to tell us to end the party, since it was already 2 in the morning. With that, most of the couples and to be couples, walked each other to their hostels. On my side of life, I was being anti Liverpool like. I was walking alone. And just as I was about to bypass the female dorms and get to the male dorms, she pulled me back and started crying. All I did was hug her, wipe away her tears and in a flash, she tiptoed and kissed me. Because I was in so much shock, I didn’t respond to the kiss and it ended prematurely. However, I did go back to the hostel that night with a big grin on my face! The next day, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend later that night because she felt like she had done him wrong since I (who wasn’t even dating her) was her first kiss and also because she really DID love me, even more than him. She just didn’t want us to date each other since we wouldn’t be able to see each other during the holidays.

Anyways, that’s the story of my time in the friendzone and how I sorta got out I guess. Remember to check out #TheAdventuresOfHimAndHer if you haven’t already checked out my fictional erotica series. I’d advise you to start from his story and work your way up to the last post, if you’ve never read any post on it before. It’ll be updated later today and on subsequent Fridays. If you still feel like reading, you should check out my article. And finally, please don’t forget to send your friendzone stories to emmanuelojeomogha@yahoo.com if you have any! Subscribe, follow @TheOiz, and I wish you an awesome day!

6 thoughts on “#TheFriendZoneChronicles

  1. I became very pleased to find this web-site.I needed to interesting time for this awesome read!! I definitely experiencing every amount of it i have you saved to check out new stuff you post.

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