I Have Made A Terrible Mistake


YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Y’ALL REALLY REALLY NEED TO READ THIS! THIS INFORMATION IS USEFUL.

Hello ladies and gentlemen alike. It is with a somber heart I write today’s blog post. By the time you start reading this, some of y’all are gonna be like the women, but you’ll end up like the guy at the end. Trust me

 Smile

But yeah. I actually read a blog post a while back when someone warned against doing this, and I thought it was all jokes. Until I actually did it. God I’m an idiot.

So last week, after looking at my mirror and seeing all this

 gorilla

I decided it was time to shave.

During the usual shave of the normal places to shave, I began to ponder. Wouldn’t it be a great thing if I shaved off my ass hair? I mean, I don’t really see what it’s useful for. I feel weird as shit whenever it’s time to wipe after every dump. So why not? It’s not like my eyebrows where it’s absence can be noticed anyways. And so, after these thoughts, I went ahead to put my plan into action. Being very honest, it’s super hard to shave that area. I dunno how some of you females do it that you have hairless bottoms, but it took me almost thirty minutes to finally find a position suitable enough to shave that part out. I was actually in this position. Thank God I’m still flexible

 kick

Anyways, I shaved those unneeded things away. Life is a survival of the fittest! If you don’t need it, don’t keep it! Here I was, feeling like a new born baby with my fresh (but slightly itchy) skin! Feeling really good about rubbing lotion all over my body and shit. The next few days however, turned out to be the stickiest and most unbearable parts of my life.

It all started when I was in class one day, bored as hell, when all of a sudden, I began to sweat. It was a really hot day, so it was kinda expected. However, when I stood up to leave the class, what I didn’t expect, was the middle of my boxers to be glued to my ass. For most of the day, it was really uncomfortable walking from place to place while I felt like my ass was leaking and the leak glued my boxers to my ass. I constantly looked like I was scratching my ass when in reality; I was just tryna take out my boxers from my ass.

Asides the whole feeling of my ass leaking like Niagara Falls and also acting like super strong glue, the second major downside of the whole shaving my ass hair, was after I had just had a fancy breakfast which had eggs, bread, sausages, cereal with lots of milk, and some orange juice. It was like eating laxatives pretty much. A few moments after eating, the urge to breathe through my anus came upon me, and after taking a good position, I happily introduced a new gas into the air. However, something felt really wrong. The air seemed to come out too fast, and with the leaks, I was really fearing that I had released more than just a gas into the atmosphere. But thankfully, nothing happened. From then on, I became really fearful of releasing gas since I wasn’t too sure if ONLY gas was gonna be the end result. After some moments of living in fear, I decided to just empty my bowels to rid myself of all the farts…To be honest, I think that was the only upside. Or rather, I THOUGHT it was gonna be an upside to this whole situation and initially, it was. The fluidity and easy sliding of fecal matter was smooth. A lil too smooth. Since I wasn’t used to the new system, I thought it’d be like before where I have to squeeze all the muscles in my body to force it out. Little did I know…. In the end, since I used explosive amount of force, it flew out and the water hi fived my ass. Ew. The other downside of it was the fact that, after taking it easy, I was done taking a dump in less than 30 seconds, which forced me to quit the game I was hoping to make a high score in, simply because I had to leave my comfort zone.
So please, y’all really do need to understand, that God made everything perfect in its own right. From the loads of hair you have on your head, down to the hair in your ass crack you think no one notices. So I hope I’ve been able to deter you from making a bad decision like I did. Follow @TheOiz and have a nice day

8 Comments

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  1. Hey! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your
    articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same
    subjects? Appreciate it!

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