My Childhood Stories! Why I Can’t Swim

Hi Guys!! Sorry about the midnight rant :$ But I really did believe I had just seen Lucifer in the flesh! Anyways, 47 blog posts and 10,000 views later, I’ve come again to tell you another childhood story of mine. It’s pretty famous at home, so I just thought I’d share it with you.

My Childhood Stories! Why I Can’t Swim

For those of you who didn’t know, well you know now….. I can’t swim. Yeah yeah, laugh it off all you like. My response to your laughter

 fuck you

Anyways, this story happened when I was about 4 years old. I was really short when I was younger. As a young child, I was always fascinated with lots of stuff and before finding out what something really is, I’d try out my own hypothesis before drawing a conclusion. Remember that old Gold Circle advertisement? Where one guy was rapping and talking about how everyone was giving him this sign?


Yeah, well I thought it was a soap commercial, simply because of the way everybody smiled when they saw him pass. I didn’t know what a condom was, and even if I did, I assumed sex was business kept secret between two people? Not where you walk down the street/school and everyone starts doing that sign as though you smell really good. Long story short, I thought it was soap and I remember asking my mum to buy me Gold Circle so everyone would smile at me wherever I walk by too. Yeah, I know.. Major facepalm.. But don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a dumb child though! I mean, I knew that you’d burn your hand if you put it in fire and you’d drown if you went too deep in the water and no one had to tell me that, neither did I experiment with it. That’s pretty impressive to me seeing as my inquisitive self didn’t even think of tossing my hand in fire or diving in the deep end of a pool. Yet, I was still intrigued as to how people who weren’t as tall as the deep end of the pool, still managed to stay afloat there.

Anyways, my dad decided he’d teach me how to swim! You couldn’t begin to imagine my joy! Finally! I’d be able to go to the deep end of the pool and find out how they stay afloat! So while we were staying in my uncle’s house one day, my dad told me to get my swimming trunks and everything ready so we could go and swim. My mum came too…but she’s aquaphobic. I dunno if she can/can’t swim, but I’ve never seen her swim in my life. So mum just relaxed by the pool, while my dad and I got in the pool and he began to teach me the basics of swimming. Didn’t take me too long to I’d get the basics: breathing, bobbing in and out, kicking, the usual. I felt like I was ready to go. So my dad held my stomach to keep me floating on the surface while I started tossing my hands and kicking my feet in the water as he walked by my side and took me from the shallow end to the deep end and back. I really enjoyed this and we went back and forth as we did this about 9 times nonstop.

The 10th time we went to the deep end however, things were not the same. So, as we were going thru this routine of my dad holding my tummy while walking in the water to take me to the deep end, I noticed something odd as we got to the middle of the swimming pool. Normally, my dad was right beside me through all 9 runs, but this time, I found him walking in front of me and this left me with one question…… Who’s holding my stomach? On looking down and seeing no one holding my stomach, I panicked, lost focus and started drowning and asking for help. Wanna know something that was really fucked up? My dad saw me, quickly assessed the situation and guessed why I was drowning, and he started laughing. I shit you not, he was watching his son drown and he just started laughing while he was at the deep end. Initially, I thought I was hearing things but as I was pushing my head up and out of the water while trying to stay afloat, I saw the giggles on his face. My mum was watching and at first thought I was kidding, but then saw I was serious and started shouting at my dad to help me…..but he was still laughing. At a point, I got frustrated and decided to stop struggling just to wipe that smile off his face, and also because I was weak from trying to stay afloat.

Just as I had decided to drown, pops did a Superman and came to “save” me at the last minute. I put save in quote cus I had gotten to the point where I didn’t want to be saved anymore. Anyways, dad saved me, pulled me out of the water, while I glared at him with my chlorine filled eyes with soooo much anger, but I didn’t say anything. He was still laughing even though my mum and I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day, but he got me back on his team when he took me out for some Boli (which is roasted plantain). And you know I can’t say no to plantain.

Well, that’s about it for today’s post! I still can’t swim though. After that day, I just stopped trying to swim. Thankfully I grew really tall, so I can’t swim, but I can definitely walk in water that’s 6ft and below. Anything else, uhhhhhhh, I don’t think so! Follow @TheOiz and have a nice dayyy!

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