Top of the morning to ya! Or afternoon or night wherever you are in this world! Well I’m here once again to provide you with extremely useful information that will benefit you in no way possible whatsoever. However, today, I shan’t be telling any cool stories or anything about school and finals. We’ll get back to that later!
Today, I’m going to do my own little version of how some cartoons are, and why some characters act the way they do. You can call it a Conspiracy Theory, or maybe even a Plot Twist. I’ll help you understand why a cartoon is the way it is, and clear the air for you! Honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing, and this really is just a waste of your time and mine. Why are you still reading?
Anyhooo, today, I’ll be talking about a popular cartoon that everyone knows so well. It’s supposed to be a kids show, but adults know very well it has some adult content in it. Today, we’ll be dealing with Spongebob Squarepants!!
Spongebob Squarepants – The Unexplained Mysteries
Now this segment isn’t going to talk about characters and what they are. If you want to know what they are, watch the TV show. This segment is basically to explain some of the mysteries we really can’t explain.
Mr Eugene & Pearl Krabs: Probably the worst kind of employer to ever live in History. If Mr Krabs was a real employer, he’d be working for Nike, making kids produce shoes in China at the lowest amount possible. But since he’s just a red crab with a whale for a daughter, which brings me on to my theory as to how Mr Krabs got Pearl as his daughter. I’ll present to you, three theories as to how Mr Krabs and Pearl live as a family.
Now, we all know Pearl likes trying to fit in, and she’d do anything she can to fit in. She also likes very expensive things. Since Mr Krabs owns one of the most expensive and profitable businesses in town, and Pearl wants lots of expensive things, Pearl might just be, Mr Krabs’ personal hoe. This might sound like the worst theory yet, but think about it. Pearl’s parents couldn’t provide for her needs so she finds some rich (even though miserly) person and sleeps with him, calls him “Daddy” and gets her wants and needs met.
Let’s imagine for a second that Mr Krabs actually did have sex with a whale which gave birth to Pearl, we do know that in one way/another, she (Pearl) must possess a feature of her dad either facially or character wise. Since Pearl in NO way looks/acts like Mr Krabs, he’s probably sterile and maybe in his past time, had a whale neighbor who shagged his wife but since he was too deluded to know that it wasn’t his semen that did the job, he totally believed the baby was his all along. The wife on the other hand couldn’t deal with the grief of having cheated on her husband so she committed suicide, leaving Mr Krabs to be a single father.
As we all know, Mr Krabs would do anything for money. And I mean ANYTHING to get money, even if it means robbing people (Watch the episode where he used Gary the snail to steal people’s money from them). So, we can assume that in his past life, Mr Krabs, who was a miscreant with plankton (and yes, they used to be friends. They said so in the episode where Spongebob and Patrick where looking to unplug the hole containing water for Bikini Bottom) that they were burglars. Think about it. Plankton and Krabs, make a good team. Plankton sneaks into people’s houses, opens the door, and Mr Krabs’ pocket smells money and they take the stuff and leave. Anyhooo, during one of their normal burglaries, they came into the house of a whale and his wife. They did their usual thing, with Plankton sneaking under the door, opening it for Krabs to come in, and then Krabs finding the money and leaving. As Mr Krab’s was in the process of stealing, the smallest and only child of the whale family spots them. Mr Krabs, not wanting to be caught, kidnaps the whale and makes off with plankton as they return back to their part of town. Now, Mr Krab’s is heartbroken, as he’s never kidnapped anyone before, let alone a baby of a few months, but he didn’t want to be caught… What was he supposed to do? Grief overcomes Mr Krab’s so much, he gives up his life of crime. This infuriates Plankton so much, he despises Mr Krab’s and they stopped being friends from that day onwards. On Mr Krab’s side of life, he’s totally confused and knows not what to do. He’s too scared to return the baby back to its parents, and he doesn’t know how to take care of it nor himself. After much thinking and debating, he decides to raise the baby on his own as a way of atoning for the things he stole and in an effort to complete his change, he starts a restaurant business. After finding the right losers who were willing to take very low pay, Mr Krabs finally gets his life back on track as the restaurant business flourishes and he also tries to do his best to take care of his punishment, Pearl.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddddddddddddddd that concludesss today’s Conspiracy Theory! Hope this answered how Mr Krabs has a whale for a daughter. I’m willing to give more theorems as to other characters/occurrences later! For now, I hope you enjoyed! Follow @TheOiz and have a nice day!