Those hits tho 😉
Anyways, its been a while I guess. Procrastination is just a deadly trait, I agree. At least, I haven’t broken my new year’s resolution to be making a blog post a week, so I’m still good. So don’t judge me! I know some of you who broke your New Years resolution the next day and were like “Ehhh, I’ll wait for next year then try again.” Today, I’m just gonna be telling another cool story about the time when I was broke. If not for God………. Just get your blankets and duvets ready, maybe some hot chocolate and warm up your house.. Cus this story is really really cool. Literally.
Remember when I said I pulled a prank of my folks on April 1st telling em I was gay? If you don’t, I’ll just save you the drama reading my new years post and copy and paste the story from there simply because that’s only a preamble to the story we have for today. (If you read the new year’s post, just skip past the prank and continue reading from where it stops)
So my brother and I decided to prank my mum and tell her I “Mistakenly” impregnated a girl and I didn’t want the baby, so I’ve been dating a guy for a week now and I think I’m gay. Chimo! I’ve never ever EVER heard my dad or mum soo furious. I also didn’t know they knew soo many Bible verses! It was even that day, I knew some jokes shouldn’t be told, but it was worth it in a way sha. So anyways, the prank was simple. My brother calls my parents and sounds all distressed and then he tells them that he was snooping thru my phone when he saw some texts of mine telling a girl to abort the baby and that I have a boyfriend. He put it on speakerphone. It was just too priceless.
Bro: Yeah mum, I think Oise is seriously gay and he impregnated a girl.
Mum & Dad: WHAT?! Where is he? *sleeping* Wake him up! Wake him up now!!
Mum: WHY OISE? WHY? After all I taught you. After all the years you’ve spent with us. You go and impregnate a girl?! And what’s this I’m hearing about you being gay?
Me: Mum, I didn’t mean to impregnate her. And I…
Mum: SHUT UP! Whaddya mean by “I didn’t mean to impregnate her” ?
Me: It was a mistake mum. And yes, I’m gay. I like this guy. He’s really nice to me. He’s 22 tho.
Mum: SHUT UP! ARE YOU MAD? **********************************
Lol, The rest of the things she said, are Rated R.
Dad(talking to my bro): When’s the next, earliest and cheapest flight to LA? Start booking the flight immediately. I don’t care about the cost. I can see we need to to come and talk sense to you guys.
Then the rest of the convo was muffled as I could hear hisses (from mum obviously) and dad literally grinding his teeth and the joke had to stop after we thought we heard someone (Still mum probably) sobbing in the background, saying something we believed was “God, where did I go wrong?” Even after we told them it was a joke, they were still fuming, and it took them a while to get over it. Dad refused to send me money for the month and mum refused to talk to me for the month too. I was broke and hungry for the whole of this month, but trust me, it was worth it! (Y’all who’ve read the post can come back now!)
Now, after playing this prank on my folks, my brother and I laughed for days and days until he went out for the weekend, and my source of income suddenly vanished. I mean, I wasn’t really bothered when my folks didn’t send money cus my bro was working so he still sent money but when he left for the weekend, I forgot to take money from him, and the house was empty. Literally empty. My brother left the house on Thursday evening, and I managed to stay at home without food nor my phone bill being paid on Friday without any issue. Saturday came and there was still no food in my stomach. I had to force myself to lower my standards and devour anything and EVERYTHING I had in my fridge, just to make sure I didn’t starve. By Sunday, I was at an all time high broke. I didn’t have a dime on me. I was so broke, I couldn’t even afford to order a meal on the dollar menu in Mcdonalds. Now, do you know how bad that is? I couldn’t order a food worth $1, That’s less than 1 pound, not more than a Franc, not even up to 160 naira. I slept, woke up, slept, and finally woke up when my stomach was too hungry to take it anymore. Things were really bad. After some deep thought, I decided that if my brother hadn’t come home before Tuesday, I’d sell the refridgerator, use the money to buy a cheaper one, and use the spare change to feed myself cus being honest, my fridge was worthless at that time. This was all that was inside it
As you can see, I only had a bottle of water left. The plan was to use that to step down and then go to bed for the night and think of what kinda fridge I’m gonna use to replace this fridge and then think of what food products to eat. Just as I was about to drink that water… My brother came. Never in my life. And I repeat. NEVER in my life. Have I been so glad to see my brother. He seemed like Jesus then. If he had asked me to wash all his clothes before eating, I wouldn’t even waste time. If no soap, I’d use my saliva to wash that thing clean. I was that desperate man. He sha brought food and as I was eating, I could feel my stomach talking to my brain and this was all it was saying
At the end of the day, I still think it was worth it to have played that prank on my folks. I mean, when was the last time you heard your parents use F words and B words while preaching to you, quoting 5 different Bible verses per minute? The hunger, near fridge selling experience and starvation over a simple April fool’s prank? Totally worth it! Presently, I’m still thinking of what prank to pull this April! Any Ideas? Follow @TheOiz and have a nice day! If you have any ideas for April fools, please lemme know!