Sexuality 101

Hey Guys! How you doing? Getting worked up that Fifa 13 is coming out in 5 days? I know right! I’m like soo excited! Eyyyyyyyyyyy! Sexy Ladies! Op Op Op Op Op Oppan Gangnam Style! * starts riding imaginary horse up and down while jumping like there’s a boil in my anus *

Well today, like I promised, I intend to teach you how to see things in a sexual and very attractive way, no matter what you’re looking at be it corn, a game, or even the Bible sef! Or anything you hear! How you can twist someone’s words into something sexual! But first we have to do it right, so lemme outline the course objectives for this post.


Course Objectives

  1. At the end of this post, the person reading this will be able to identify something sexual in anything that people viewed as harmless.
  2. The person also reading this will be branded as a pervert according to society but he/she will not give a shit because his/her mind is too sexy for them to comprehend.
  3. Its actually kinda cool typing like I’m a teacher. Doesn’t mean I’ll become one sha. So yeah, I think that’s all the course objectives. Let’s begin


How To Have A Sexy Imagination

  1. Word Formation: To a major extent, the way the words are placed in things make them sexual. You usually can tell its perverted once you’re able to identify sexy words inside be it “Penis” “Cum” or other things. A simple example will be this. Thepenisinmymouth. When you saw this sentence mashed up, what’s the first thing you read? Few people are gonna be able to say, “I read, “The pen is in my mouth”” Most people saw the sexiness right away. But that’s too obvious. There are many sexual things in the words most people use/play with, but never notice. You might not notice it now that your mind isn’t so sexy, but once it turns fully sexy, you will. Let’s talk about a video game here for this next example. Its for mature teenagers. Yes. That game is Assassin’s Creed. I’m sure you can already see exactly why its for mature teenagers. ASS ASS IN. Now, that’s one way of looking at it. Or you could read ASS ASS SIN. That’s twice the “Ass” and an insurance of “Sin” inside 😉
    So be on the lookout for words and how they’re placed, then do some mental scrabble game and BAM! You notice the sexiness in it.

  2. Structure of the Object: This, also plays a major role in making you understand the sexy side of things. Usually, the structure makes it so obvious you already know there’s something different and unique about the thing you’re staring at. All you need to do is just look well and find at least one thing that makes it resemble a penis, or a vagina, or a boob. Why do you think most lesbians (especially the forever alone ones) have bananas or cucumbers in their houses? In a recession like this, dildos are too expensive, so they improvise. In other objects, it might not be that obvious, but once you find that one thing. That ONE thing, that makes it special and different, you’ll notice other things that fully add to its sexiness. Look at trees for example. Make a good mental picture of it. Then have a sexual body part in mind. And with elimination method, arrive at an answer. Trees are usually long and standing and do not posses any holes or anything so it can’t be a vagina or a boob. But, trees have leaves which can remind you of pubic hair. Trees are usually erect and straight making it resemble an excited penis. BAM! A Tree is Mother Nature’s penis o_O

  3. Features/Characteristics of the Object: Now I should have joined this with the structure, but I think its better as a single entity. Don’t get me wrong.. All these factors work together to make something sexy. It just depends on what you notice first. To a major role, its the feature of an object that tells you how its sexual. The color of the object also helps in it. This is why most chocolate bars like Mars, Malteasers and my favorite, Bounty 😉 Are seen as sexual. When you put them in your mouth, put your lips on them, gently sink your teeth in, and pull out, they immediately deposit their juices on your lips. I like Bounty since its brown on the outside, and gives you its whitish inner when you pull out 🙂
    At other times however, it might be the way it feels. Take a watermelon for example. Its big. The structure of it already renders it sexual. If you can make water sexual, the word is also sexual! Now moving on to the features. Watermelons are soft and squishy, and we all just want to dig in, hold one in our hands, and take soft gentle nibbles or bites of them just because they’re juicy! So basically, with that in mind. We could use elimination method and immediately discover that a Watermelon is a boob!

  4. Words/Terms Associated With The Object: I just can’t think of a good heading, but for this part, it has to also do with words. This time around however, it has to do with the terms used when referring to a sexual body part. You can say someone has a “Hard On” when his penis is excited. You can say someone is “Wet” when she’s dripping on the inside. Certain words like those (Wet, Hard, Erect etc) make things look sexual. I’m sure most of you would still have pervy thoughts if a female texted you in the rain saying “Please come and pick me up! I’m wet!” We all know its raining, but hey! She might actually BE wet 😉
    On a more advanced note, you could even turn your Bible into 50 Shades of Grey. Just imagine reading a passage that says, “You are my rock, my salvation. I worship You.” Immediately you read this, you single out “Rock” and “Salvation”. A property of a rock = Its Hard. When you hear Salvation, you think of God, churches, Missionaries!! MISSIONARIES! Missionary position. Come back to reality and instead of reading “You are my rock, my salvation. I worship You” all you can see is someone who’s talking about the D in missionary position and she’s (or he’s o_O) so pleased, he/she worships the person. (Calm down people. Don’t eat for me making a joke with a Biblical reference. Its just a joke.)

And with this, we have come to the end of the lecture for the semester ^_^ I hope you enjoyed this semester’s lectures? Don’t worry, next time I’ll teach again. Follow @TheOiz, and go and see the world in a new way!

2 thoughts on “Sexuality 101

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