The Sexual Side of Life VI


Heyyy Guys! What’s good? How’s the weekend been going? Pretty good? Having fun? Partying? Or you’re just like me? Sitting down at home, confused whether to watch cartoons, play video games, or wait till Sunday night to start doing all my assignments? *sigh. #TeamNoLife

Anyways, this might probably be the last Sexual Side of Life I do because tomorrow, I’m gonna teach you HOW to have a sexual mind like mine. All the things to look out for and how to know something is sexual! As for today though, I’ll focus on the foods some of you suggested by popular demand, so here we go.

Bread and Ham: Well well well! I’m sure most people like bread. I’m sure you know someone who can eat a whole loaf of bread, but did you know that bread is sexual? Lets take the baguette for example. Have you ever tasted a baguette? That shit isn’t sweet, YET, many French people, (Mostly gay males, and loads of females) buy that bread. They know how sexual it is. Just look at the structure of that thing. So long! So firm! So erect! Sometimes when I wake up and I walk to the kitchen, I confuse my manhood with my baguette and scratch it :$ Now we want to focus on bread and ham. I’ll even add hotdogs for you even though I’m sure I’ve made hot dogs sexual before. I intend to use the hot dogs to make you understand the bread and ham side better. Haven’t you ever looked at your hotdog and thought, “Damn! This thing looks like a dick in a butt” ? No? Okay then! Now, picture the two buns (that’s the bread) laying side by side, waiting for the meat to land in your hot dog. Pretty normal right? Wrong. Now, I’d like you to picture sliding (not placing it in the middle, but sliding it inside like a smooth criminal) the sausage in and out of the middle of the two buns. I dunno about you, but that seems a lot like doggy style to me. The sausage, (depending on whether the buns are closed or wide open) seems to be giving the buns buttsex. It turns into surprise buttsex when the buns are closed yet the sausage still found a way in 😉
Its the same rule that applies for bread and ham. I’m very sure you don’t have JUST bread and ham. You lubricate it a bit by spreading some butter on the ham before sliding the ham in between your bread and then you flatten it so it can be flatter and tighter. The tighter and harder you squish the bread with ham, the sweeter it tastes normally! I’m sure you get the picture now! Besides, I know some females you won’t mind having some “Meat” in between their “Buns” 😉

Plantain: Doing this would be really too easy and its something I could do without even giving much thought. Its actually too easy to do so I’d rather just write a poem on it instead.

Plantain, Oh plantain

You really look like a dick.

With your curved yet firm body,

And that slender, sexy tip.

Plantain, Oh Plantain

Please let me remove your undies?

So I can see that yellow body,
That always gives me the munchies!

Plantain, Oh Plantain

I wonder if you like my firm grip.

Its hard to see your yellow body,

And not desire to give it a lick.

Plantain, Oh Plantain

So firm, curved and erect

You juicy devil you!

You give me mouth orgasms I can’t forget.

Plantain, Oh Plantain

Most people like you Yellow,

Some put you in water and boil you

Making your erection a bit mellow.

Plantain, Oh Plantain

People don’t like cutting you some slack.
While some want you yellow,

Some racists prefer you black.

Plantain, Oh Plantain

You’re all I desire and more.
And this is why, you sexy beast,

I love to eat you raw.

Pizzas and Mushrooms: Even a pizza works with the rules of bread and ham and others, but lemme switch it up a bit. To me, all pizzas, especially Pepperoni pizza with loads of cheese, is just like a guy who climaxes too fast. 1 minute man! Haven’t you ever held your pizza, and then pulled and twisted it a bit, only to have the sticky, gooey, climax of the pizza on your hand? In my belief, we all give our pizzas a handjob, even if its just in one move, and then the sticky part, the cheese, the semen of the pizza, shows itself! And we all happily fix in as much “Cheese” as you can into your mouth, smiling happily as you digest all that into your mouth. And you say Pizza isn’t sexual 😉

I’ve always loved mushrooms. I always make sure I take my time to eat mushrooms, especially the tip of it. I mean, all mushrooms are sexual. Just look at the structure! It looks a whole lot like a penis with the slender structure and that awesome tip that looks like Kung Lao’s hat in Mortal Kombat. I’m not gonna make a lot of comments on mushrooms since I have a picture to help out 🙂

Thanks for reading today’s post! Sha sha sha! This might be the last sexual side of life I do since I’ll teach you how to make things sexual tomorrow! Still, Follow @TheOiz and have a nice day!

4 Comments

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  1. Oiz! You are damn crazy! This piece is too much. The knock out punch is the mushroom picture. I hope you have not outdone yourself. Cant stop laughing!

  2. Oise you are just sick..lmao ☺ ..that plantain poem.. Best I’ve heard in years.. And pizza’s stickyness.. Now ur mind needs full house rehab.! Mehn keep up this shii..Makes my day.

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