My Socially Awkward Life: Smoking


Hiiii!! There comes a time in life, where someone’s run of form starts to drop. A time when things stop going up and even though they might not necessarily go down, the movement upward stops. The time when a writer reaches writer’s block. A time when your best daily series stops being “Daily”. A time when I made you think for a moment that something useful/deep was gonna come out of this “Time” speech. *sigh. It’s evident you humans don’t learn. The information you acquire here will in no way, help your life, YET, you still come here expecting to hear something “Deep” or “Useful”. Eeyah. In the words of Sinzu. “I’m so sorry for you! Mehn I cry for you (˘̩̩_˘̩̩̩ƪ)”

So today, I’m going to tell you much more about my socially awkward life. Today, oh today, I’m going to pick on the topic of smoking. Anything. Whether its smoking from a cigarette, pipe, shisha, hookah, or whatever you guys wanna call it, its still smoking! I really don’t like smokers. Nahh, not one bit. You do too many things that irk me.

The first thing I want to start off isn’t the health warning or whatever. Its the fact that almost everyone who smokes has to PUFF THEIR DAMN SMOKE IN MY FREAKING FACE. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU NIGGAS? MUST YOU PUFF THE RESIDUE OF YOUR PLEASURE IN MY FACE?? OR DID I TELL YOU I WANTED TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR SMOKING? Let’s analyze what you smokers who puff in people’s faces do. Now, when you smoke cigarettes, the smoke that emanates from the cigarette is the remnant/end result/residue of your pleasure. Now when you puff it in my face, it pollutes my lungs, and in cases where there are many smokers puffing around me, it may pollute my hair or clothes. All this, you do without my consent or approval. You just puff and don’t give a shit about my feelings eyy? Now, let’s imagine I was a drinker, and I took beer. The remnant/end result/residue of my pleasure would definitely be urine. Would you be annoyed if I pissed on your head, clothes, and hopefully your mouth without your consent? No? Now don’t puff in my fucking face again. As long as you’re my age and I know I could beat you if we went toe to toe, if you dare puff in my face, be it we’re in a church, mosque, fancy restaurant, or even a family gathering, just puff in my face and see if I don’t release the loudest fart you’ve ever heard in your life. Idiot.

Now I’ve gotten that outta my system, I feel much better and more calm. The second thing that annoys me about smokers is the fact that you guys are knowingly killing yourselves YET you continually smoke. I find it sad. Really really sad. When I see people puffing their life away as they smoke and then feel like bosses with every smoke/blunt they blow, I just feel bad for them, but then again, its the path they’ve chosen to go and all I can do is either say smoking is bad for you and watch the smokers give me stories of how Mungo Park did this and that, and how smoking isn’t bad and its kind of addictive and I should try some, or just mentally pray for them and save myself the wahala of having to hear how someone’s grandma is 92 and she’s been smoking yet is still healthy. Bro/Sis, look, I really don’t care if your mum/dad/family friend or whoever has been smoking since he/she was in the womb, all I know is that in no way, does smoking enhance your life at all, so why puff your life away? I’m really not much of a medical man, but I love my lungs too much to experiment with them on what would happen if I smoked a blunt or two with friends. Sorry, it’s just not me. Besides, my self conscious side won’t like the idea of smelling like smoke while I’m talking to someone. Sha sha, that’s the health field, since it isn’t really my field, I’ll stop here!

The third and probably the most important reason why I don’t like smoking, and I’ll never smoke is cus..well….yunno…. Two words; Pink Lips 😀 Now call me crazy, call me stupid, but its a known fact that smoking darkens your lips for you. Doesn’t help it at all. So me, me that I’ve been dreaming of having pink lips and looking all sexy and shii, you now expect me to smoke? No, I can’t do it. Besides, many girls I know say that “Guys with Pink Lips can get it 😉 “ So I’m on the pursuit of pink lips. Laugh all you want, but it is my wish to have pink lips so leave me alone to have my wishes in peace! Oh yeah, and you guys (males and females) who smoke just to feel among and feel cool are full blown imbeciles ^_^

Yeah yeah yeah! We’ve come to the point in time where we say our goodbye’s and and call it a day. I sha hope you got my point. Don’t smoke! Please! Even if you want to smoke, don’t just puff in someone’s face and be inconsiderate. I’m pretty sure you won’t want the residue of their pleasure without your consent, so don’t force yours on them! Consider other people’s feelings! Ehh, so follow @TheOiz, and have a nice day.
PS: I know my lips ain’t pink yet, but soon, Baba God will answer my prayers. For now, I think there’s a reasonable amount of progress. On the left, you could see the struggle in my face, secondary school had drained me (and yes, that is my eldest bro and my dad in my secondary school), darkened me, and finished me. You could barely see my flesh! All you could see was some bones, some nigga who looked like a Ghanian in tablecloth, and a long neck. I looked like a black ostrich. The only reason why my lips were like that, was cus my parents had brought food and just when I was thinking they’d release me to go and eat the food, they suggested a picture. Man was hungry. Man no want picture. All I could think of was the beans and plantain in that cooler that day. On the right hand side, well, let’s just say levels don change 😀

5 Comments

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  1. “some nigga who looked like a Ghanian in tablecloth, and a
    long neck. I looked like a black ostrich.” nigga, you got me rolling with that, WTF!!, an you said you’re not funny. You are, my nigga.
    But seriously, I don’t smoke, don’t drink, that’s why I’m sexy, and got pink lips. Haha

  2. So y r u always complaining and disturbing the rest of humanity about ur face being handicapped. Coz I can’t c it. And damn, I can’t believe u put that sec skul picture… Lwkmd!!!!!! And thank you for this piece, I have been looking for one, just one sensible teenage boy that won’t hit my head when I bring up this topic. Good job.

  3. LMAO….nice post, as me come be social smoker, kasala go dey when u fart, the good part is that i release my waste up in the air and not folks’ faces….i ain’t dumb…we all know smoking is messed up, on the good side, i’m kicking the habit, haven’t smoked since June…pink lips done pass me sha, still hitting “it” though

  4. Pingback: Kasala

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