Hi! This is blog post number 17. We’ve come a very long way. So today, before I proceed, I feel we should chat and gist and get to know each other. So Hi! I’m Oise, and I like vaginas. What’s your story? I’d really love to know. What? Too shy to tell? Or you feel its too cool? Its okay. I have a very brief cool story to tell today, so I hope after my chilling tale, you’ll be free to express yourself a bit better!
The Cool Side of Life IV
Since I want to give you space to tell your cool story, I shall keep today’s story as brief as possible. My cool story begins with my favorite character; The Boy.
We’re traveling back in time for today’s story. Back to the time when The Boy was just 10 years old. The Boy awakens from his deep slumber and out of reflex, reaches for the light switch and flips it, but the lightbulb doesn’t come on. The Boy sighs heavily, and stretches out his arms to look at the horrific bumps on them, caused by mosquitoes. For three straight days, there just hasn’t been light at night and sadly, the generator wasn’t working either, so the mosquitoes were having a field day sucking blood. Today seemed to be the last straw for The Boy. This was so because of what happened next. After The Boy had examined his arms and seen the bumps there, itchy and reddish, he became annoyed and tossed his pillow away, and what he found next, seemed to infuriate and pacify him at the same time. Underneath the spot where his pillow was before he flung it away, were six mosquitoes, resting with protuding stomachs filled with blood (The Boy’s most likely). With the bad mood The Boy was in, he used all his might to squish all six mosquitoes and felt at peace as he looked at the blood stains on his bed. His blood. The Boy started feeling like Spartacus in the ring after defeating an opponent. Sadly, Spartacus’ celebration was cut short by the usual calls from the kitchen downstairs by Mother Dearest.
The Boy then moved downstairs to answer Mother Dearest who was also annoyed that she had called The Boy more than three times yet he didn’t arrive on time. After reprimanding him, he set to work and cleaned the house and everywhere around it. The electricity shortage seemed to be getting to everyone as Dad wasn’t also in his best of moods and this showed during morning devotion with the way he said The Lord’s Prayer. After prayers and time for food, The Boy, being young and foolish, started complaining about his problems to everyone but no one wanted to give him ear. He then proceeded to speak louder than usual and Mother Dearest wasted no time in telling him to Shut Up. The Boy was hurt by this. Gravely hurt.
Apparently, The Boy had been watching too many movies where the child (usually white in the movies) gets insulted by his mum and then he runs to his room and refuses to answer anyone until his needs are met and it usually ends up well for the kid. With this thought in mind, The Boy immediately gets up from the dining table and goes upstairs to his room and sits down on his bed, ignoring Mother Dearest’s calls. Mistake number 1. The biggest mistake anyone can make in their life span while living in The Boy’s house is to ignore Mother Dearest, and The Boy was just about to find this out.
Shocked by his behavior, Mother Dearest goes upstairs by herself instead of sending the maid, to find out what was The Boy’s problem this early morning. So Mother Dearest calls The Boy with every step she climbs but The Boy, still movie inclined, just sat down on his bed and pretended to be deaf. The Boy started gradually becoming scared as the footsteps and the voice echoing his name became closer, but in an effort to see this through like the movies, he sat down acting deaf. Mother Dearest finally reached the final step, and got to The Boy’s room and tried to open the door but found out that it was locked. She then shouted at The Boy to open the door and banged on it countless times but The Boy, still being strong headed, sat down and said nothing. Mistake number 2. Mother Dearest has the spare key to every room in the house and at that moment, if The Boy had listened and gently opened the door, what would have happened next might have been prevented.
Mother Dearest, tired of knocking and shouting The Boy’s name, leaves to go back downstairs to retrieve her bunch of keys. Everything is silent in the house except for Mother’s quick footsteps. By the speed at which she went down the staircase, it was evident that that day, was going to be a memorable one. As quickly as she went downstairs, she was back upstairs, and she banged on the door again, calling The Boy’s name but he was still being silly even though he was too sure he could hear his heart beating. Mother Dearest finally opens the doors with her keys to look at The Boy, sitting down on the bed, arms folded, staring straight at her. The first thing she did was call his name, to which The Boy gave no reply. Mistake number 3. Like I said earlier, the worst crime you could ever commit in The Boy’s house was to ignore Mother Dearest. You could act like you didn’t hear her if she was calling you from downstairs and you were upstairs, but the fact that she’s standing in front of you yet no you still choose to ignore her? I shall tell you the consequences.
Once Mother Dearest called The Boy and he still gave no reply, she gave him a stinging slap. Now, this wasn’t one of Mother’s best slaps and The Boy was expecting it, so it didn’t hurt much. He still stood his ground and sat down staring at her, with both arms folded. Mother Dearest then proceeded to call him again yet he still gave no reply. This time however, Mother did not hold back. She put all the force into the next slap. The hand that had been pounding yams since 1960. The hand that had seen many farms in the village in past times. That had landed very well on the left cheek of The Boy. Somehow, The Boy miraculously managed to stand up, shake his head a bit, and sit back down into his former position. The only difference now, was that his ears were receiving phone calls, his face was hot enough to fry eggs, and the tears were waiting to drop from his face. With all this though, The Boy still stood his ground. Finally, Mother Dearest called The Boy one more time, and slapped him again but on this occasion, immediately the slap landed on The Boy’s face, he got up as though he was prepared to fight back.
One does not simply try to intimidate an Edo woman especially in situations where she’s on her rights. Mother Dearest sees The Boy standing toe to toe with her, looking her right in the eyes as though he wanted to take her on. She immediately exclaimed, “Hei! Wait! Wait!! WAIT!! So you’re standing up and now and you want to beat me? ME? ME? ME? A WHOLE ME? (with every “ME” she beats her chest louder than King Kong would) Hei! Something must be wrong with you.” Somehow, I believe The Boy hadn’t realized how much trouble he already was in, but he still had the liver to say, “Nothing is wrong with me.” With lightening speed and immense power, Mother Dearest slaps The Boy onto the floor and rains about six heavy slaps on his back before he blacks out.
Fast forward some hours later and The Boy is lying down on a bed and Mother Dearest is sleeping at his foot side. Looking further down, he realizes that he is not covered with his bed sheets and neither is he on his bed. Immediately he tries to get up, a jolt of pain surges through his whole body. The door then opens, and a man in a white clothe comes in and only then does it dawn on The Boy that he is in the hospital.
The Moral Lesson for today’s story? Have breakfast before complaining about your night. Now I’ve told my cool story, what’s yours? Follow @TheOiz and I hope to hear your story!