Heyyyy Buddy! Good morning to you! Hope you had a good night’s rest and you’re ready to start off the day. Unless of course, you have nothing to do so you can just go back to bed AFTER you finish reading this blog post. You guys are funny though.. This is my thirteenth/fourteenth post and with every new post, you never learn anything new YET you come here daily, hoping to use your time by gaining useful information about nothing. I wonder if you’ve noticed the steady drop in your IQ after every blog post here. If you haven’t, well I’m sorry my friend…. You either had a very low IQ to begin with or you’ve lost too much of it for you to be coming here daily. The good thing about it is, you’re not alone. I always see myself as an ingenious retard, so its all good.
I could see most of you enjoyed one of my cool stories, and its been a while since I dropped a cool story of mine, so I think everyone is ready for another cool story today. So sit back, relax, get a cup of hot tea, or a sweater, or a duvet, and enjoy. It’s about to get chilly in here!
The Cool Side of Life II
So today, we’re going to Africa, the West to be precise. If you want more precision, Nigeria. If you still want more precision, then our story starts out in Victoria Garden City in Lagos. If you still want MORE precision… Nigga you’re either a weirdo/stalker.
Its 10am and The Boy slowly wakes up to hear little or no noise and he quickly stretches to flip the light switch to find out if there was still light and a smile of relief came to his face as he realized that there was still light. That smile was quickly wiped off his face when he looked at his phone and saw the time on the phone. The Boy quickly dashed out of bed and ran across the hallway to reach his parents room and he knocked and knocked and tried to open the door but he knew that both mum and dad had already left for their respective work places. So he just stayed, resting his head on the door as he had a quick recollection of last night and he remembers how his mum tells him to wake up early so he can get money from her to go for the party that he’s been making so much noise about even though she didn’t really want him to go and how he’s never this eager when it comes to school books or church and….. Back to reality! He wakes up from his mini day dream and then starts searching the whole house for bus fare or any little change he could find and luckily, he finds a thousand Naira. After cooking up an excuse (or a lie) for why the money disappeared from the counter, The Boy then checks his wardrobe and can’t find anything to wear. So he goes to his brother’s wardrobe and “Borrows” some clothes for the day. *sigh* The Joys of Being The Lastborn In A Family Of All Boys :’)
Fast forward a bit and The Boy is looking good in his borrowed clothes and so he leaves the house to try and catch the shuttle bus to take him out of VGC since its large like that. Unfortunately, the two buses which came his way were full to capacity and The Boy knew that if he wasted more time waiting for buses which would probably be full to capacity, he wouldn’t have a ride to take him to this party he so desired to go to. And so The Boy walked. Walked while watching buses pass him full to capacity. On one occasion, he saw a bus, but he already assumed that it was full to capacity and he noticed the error of his ways after the bus left and it wasn’t full to capacity. If you live in VGC, you can imagine walking from Road 60 to VGC gate under the scorching Nigerian sun. Finally, The Boy reaches the gate, and doesn’t have time to waste, so he hails an Okada (Motorcycle) so he can evade the Lagos traffic. After haggling prices with the Okada man, The Boy is finally dropped off at his location and he arrives there just in time…. To watch his ride leave him. So for about 30 minutes straight, The Boy just stood there, debating on whether or not to use the remaining money he had to get to that party, because he knew he wasn’t gonna get back home if he unless he was given a ride cus honestly, the money just wouldn’t be enough to take him back home.
So finally The Boy decides to go for the party and find his friend and beg him to give him a ride back home. Again, The Boy decides to put his faith in Okada so it can take him past the Lagos traffic and get him to the party on time. All is well and the ride keeps on going smoothly.. That is, until The Boy watched in slow motion, as the money he didn’t tuck very well into his pocket, the money which was meant to be the transport fare, the last bit of cash The Boy had, float away while the Okada man sped through traffic. It seemed as though the day just couldn’t keep on getting worse. So The Boy looked on in despair as the Okada man just drove past traffic while he started wondering how he’d be able to pay off the man without causing a scene at the party. Luckily, he got to the party venue and immediately saw his friend who was supposed to give him a ride and luckily, with a bit of eye talk and whispering, the friend comes over and compensates for not giving The Boy a ride by paying his transport fare.
Finally! Something’s going well for The Boy! So his friend ditches him to have fun at the party while The Boy also starts searching for girls he knew so he could have a good time. After grinding with the girls he knew and all started going well, The Boy went to have a Fanta. Mistake number 1. Now, a quick fact about The Boy. He doesn’t drink, but Fanta is like alcohol to him. So he took a Fanta and started getting all high and worked up and tried to start busting some dance moves. Mistake number 2. The Boy is such a bad dancer, his grandmother dances better than him. Many white boys can dance better than him! He seemed to think he was doing pretty well and kept on busting his moves while his partner danced and laughed with him. Then The Boy started shuffling close to the edge of the pool. Mistake number 3. Like I said before, The Boy is a horrible dancer and shuffling by the edge of a pool is really risky because you could slip and fall. And that was exactly what The Boy did. As he raised his leg to shuffle one more time, he slipped and one of his legs went into the swimming pool while he hit his testicles on the (I have no idea what its called) ladder thingy in the swimming pool while his other leg completed the split for him. Now ladies, you might think cramps are painful, but a kick/hit in the nuts is just not the same.
So The Boy remains in that position for a while, fighting to hold back the tears that wanted to jump off his face while people stared at him and some laughed. His partner and some other friends helped to pull The Boy up and get him seated. He knew the party was over for him. So he sat down and wondered if he’d still have children. Unfortunately, his phone got wet cus of the split so it refused to come on. His friend came to his rescue again and opted to take The Boy home which The Boy readily agreed to cus everyone kept talking about the split and all. So the friend starts taking The Boy home and all seems well until he’s called back to the party to take his family member home because it has started raining so he had to drop The Boy off a lil bit close to home. By little, I mean 3 miles away.
The Boy starts praying for the weather to at least be merciful enough to him and stop raining so he could at least walk home since he was too broke to take an Okada home, and his phone was wet so there was no way to call home. Thankfully, the weather gets better and stops raining and so The Boy leaves his shelter and starts his walk home. All is well until The Boy is about one mile away from any shelter.. Then, the heavens opened up and the rain poured down heavily. The Boy, being too far from a shelter, had to walk under the cold stormy weather till he got home, drenched. His mum, being like any normal caring mum, starts shouting her head off at him for not calling and not taking the bus and she keeps on shouting at him till she notices him shaking and then she starts softening the insults and tells him to go and wear something warm to which The Boy happily complies to.
So The Boy finally gets to the room to meet his brother boiling with anger as he looks as his clothes as soaked and he screams his head off at The Boy while he looks down as the torrent of insults fly towards him left, right, and center. Finally he’s left alone, and he finally gets into bed with a cold, wet phone, probably broken testes and a fever.
Summary of it all. That was the worst day of his life. Yet you’re laughing at him. Heartless human beings! Pfft! Sha follow @TheOiz and have a nice day! If you ever have a bad day, remember this story!