HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! YOU’RE READING THIS NOW AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T REALLY CARE IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I’M SHOUTING or it sounds like a whisper. I REALLY DON’T CARE!! GUESS WHAT? I JUST GOT PAST A THOUSAND VIEWS!! MORE THAN A THOUSAND VIEWS IN MY FIRST WEEK OF BLOGGING!! AND THEY SAID THIS GENERATION DOESN’T LIKE READING B-) JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU THO. THANK YOU ALL WHO READ MY BLOG. THOSE IN UK, NIGERIA, USA. CANADA, GERMANY AND MANY OTHERS!! Y’ALL ARE AMAZEBALLS. JUST BECAUSE OF THIS, I’M GOING TO GIVE ALL OF YOU AN OISE SPECIAL! YES! TODAY, YOU’RE GONNA READ THE MOST RETARDED SHIT EVER 😀
Today, we’re gonna talk about Farts. I mean it. Farts. Chill, don’t start thinking of me as a weirdo. You’re the weird one. You came to a blog that gives you information that will never benefit you in life yet you come here almost everyday to read. Unless its your first time of reading my blog. You should have known something like this was bound to happen. So don’t even start 😛
Farts are one of the greatest things in life. Most people don’t seem to know how awesome a fart is. That’s why you’re here. To learn. I make an awesome teacher don’t I? Anyways, I’m here to show you the various ways farts are awesome.
Farts are a scientific phenomena. I know it sounds crazy, but its true. Just in case you’ve never been able to grasp the concept of Diffusion and Osmosis, your fart is there to help you always remember. Last time I consulted my Biology textbook, I read (and by read I mean I Googled) that Diffusion is the movement of particles from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration. Diffusion is not to be confused with osmosis, which is the movement of water through a semi-permeable membrane. However, osmosis is a special case of diffusion. NOW, for the explanation 🙂
Let’s reread that definition again. Diffusion is the movement of particles (your fart) from an area of high concentration (your ass) to an area of low concentration (the atmosphere). Using the definition of Osmosis, we can also see the scientific side of our farts. According to scientists, at least 70% of the human body is made up water so its safe to say that there’s a high probability that there’s water in our farts. Back to the definition, Osmosis is the movement of water (which is carried by your farts) through a semi permeable membrane (by semi-permeable they mean your panties or whatever you’re wearing) Now if this question ever pops up in school, you can easily define Osmosis and Diffusion. You’re welcome 😀
Farts can also be used to make a statement. Haven’t you noticed that immediately someone farts, all eyes are on him? People might not notice him in tears, whenever he’s down, but let him fart in public. All eyes would be on him. That’s on a low scale. If you want to think of your farts on a large scale, just imagine your favorite artist (let’s say Beyonce) So she’s frustrated to her wits end by her haters and then she asks to be interviewed because she has something to say to her haters, and once the interview starts, she just farts. No words, no gimmicks. Just a fart. Do you now how much history she has made already? She probably won’t be forgotten in a long time because of that simple statement she made. It’ll probably be on all stations, CNN, BBC, MTV everywhere. That Beyonce had only one thing to say to her haters. Just a fart. I’m sure you now appreciate the value of your fart.
You can also use a fart to clear a room that you don’t like. Take for example a jacuzzi. You could be in a jacuzzi with some annoying friends who you wish would just leave but you dunno how to express yourself with words. A fart would easily help you get out of this situation. You’ll be saved in no time 😉
Or if you’re in a place with a smoker who keeps puffing in your face and you don’t know how to say “Get away” without earning yourself a beating. You could simply fart, let it circulate, then leave him alone to enjoy your “Puff” at him. That’ll teach him to mess with you. No pun intended 🙂
Farts can be for entertainment purposes too. It could be used as a musical instrument, and if you’re bored, you could also call some of your friends over and start a farting contest. Okay wait, that’s just weird, nasty, and would also lead to global warming. Please desist from calling friends and engaging in farting contests!
LOOOL, I wonder how many people actually read this. I know most people have changed their views about me being a perv. Now I’m a sick person -.- All is well, all is well. I’m just excited, so I just HAD to give you an Oise special. Thank you all soo soo much for the views and all. I really didn’t expect so many views in so little time.
Next normal post should be on Monday abeg. I need to sleep. I’m a human being too so my mind needs to rest! How are you tho? I hope I managed to take your mind off everything you were thinking about? Sorry I’m just asking now, I was too excited about the blog :$
Have a nice day!