The Sexual Side Of Life


Err, so hi! You’ve probably read a thousand blogs and you’ll think this is the same thing where the writer tells you his blog is different from the rest or tries to use reverse psychology on you by telling you that this blog is shit so stop reading meanwhile he/she wants you to read it. Nahh, I’m not doing that. I’m only here to make your imagination as sexy as mine. Nothing else 😀
Now most people think I’m a perv, but I’m not. My imagination is just too sexy for most people to fully accept so I’m branded as a pervert. Such a judgmental society 😐
Back to the topic!

Have you ever noticed that everything in this world is sexual? Ranging from the simple things you do, to the food you eat? Still haven’t noticed? Well, lemme give you a simple example. Now, you’re in class, you finish writing your notes with your pen, you cover it, and then you slide it down your pocket. Sounds normal right? Noooo. Big lie! That is just perverted. Its just that you haven’t noticed. Now, a pen is always brimming with ink (which we could call “Juices” 😉 ) and so you have to “Cover” (or protect 😉 ) before “Sliding” it into your pocket. Get the picture? Anyways, pens were made to be sex toys. That’s why they usually end up in many people’s mouths :&

But I’m not here to talk about your perverted school actions, I’m here to talk about food. Yes, food is sexual. We’re just gonna touch a range of foods and then call it a day, K? Cool. (Oh, notice how I said touch? Yeah, it has nothing to do with this, you just wasted some seconds/minutes reading this useless bit of information 😛 )

I’m going to avoid the most obvious sexual foods like bananas, cucumbers, galas etc. From their shape, its obvious it was designed for female, and weird male, pleasure. Now to the foods 😀

Watermelons: Ever look at a busty girl and admire her “Melons” and wonder if its possible to set p with her and possibly quench your “Thirst”? That’s why the name is there. Water Melon. Watermelons are highly sexual. Always big and soft. Notice that you have to remove the outer layer to get to the inner prize? Still don’t get it? Now imagine a bra and boobies. You have to get past the outer layer (bra) to enjoy the inner prize. Wankers, you’re welcome. Now you can wank to a watermelon.

Yams: At this age, its hard for some people to deny that they’ve never seen, or have no knowledge of what a penis looks like. Well even if you’re not in denial, haven”t you ever wondered why yams are so big, hard, and hairy? Mother Nature is a big pervert. So ladies, if you’re tired of using your hands, you now have a new instrument. See you in the hospital!

Mangoes: The only reason why I like Mother Nature is because she isn’t sexist. Females have their sexual foods, so do males. Mangoes are sexual. Or am I the only one who grabs a mango with my two hands, caresses it ever so gently while gently lying down and sucking on it as tho my life depends on it? So if you’ve never sucked boobies before, guys, you’re welcome 🙂
Oh, and mangoes are kinda unisex now that I think about it. The way you move your head up and down it while you stare at that mango with a look that says, “I’m gonna suck you dry” Get the picture ladies? Mangoes have seeds, so you’re also teabagging. Have fun multitasking 🙂

Pounded Yam: Now most of you think that there can be nothing sexually wrong with pounded yams but you’re wrong. Let’s start the process with two things so sexual, I wonder why parents let their kids see them using these instruments. We call them, The Pestle, and The Mortar. If you pound yam, you’ll know how sexual these instruments are as the mortar continually keeps ramming the pestle with occasional rotations left and right when you’re tired. Also, once in a while, when you want to check how soft it is (cus no one really likes “Soft” pounded yam, you “Touch” it and “sprinkle/shower” it with water. That’s called climaxing)

Indomie: I feel so bad for many children as they digest this food and smile without knowing how sexual they look. From the name, “In” “Do” “Me” you can see it already. What is In You that wants to Do you? Also, I’m sure many people have had moments when they’re rushing their indomie so much they “Stuff” it in their mouth, “Slurp/Suck” it and then it occasionally splashes water on their face (depending on how much water that was used/retained). Now doesn’t that resemble a Bukakke? That thing where the girl is showered with juices on her face? You’re welcome 😀

Thank you for wasting time on useful information about nothing, but I hope I’ve opened your mind to the various sexual things that go on in our world today. Sha follow @TheOiz and who knows? If you like this, I might do more. Or probably go back to wanking with my watermelon.

11 Comments

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  1. i have 2 points of contention with your analogies. first of all what kind of deformed water melon did ur parents give to u that was soft???!!! second of all, is ur penis hairy? because in all my years of experience av never seen one tht actually had hair on it to make it resemble a yam! that is all *drops mic*

  2. I have two pints of contention with your analogies. first of all, what kind of deformed watermelon did your parents give you that was soft?????!!! second of all I’ve never heard of a penis that had hair actually growing on it to make it resemble a tuber of yam! that is all *drops mic*

  3. Lool, I meant the inner part of the watermelon is soft, the exterior is hard!
    Also, you don’t have a penis, so it’s hard for you to comment much about it. Unless…….

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